At some point in life there will be something we will feel guilty about. Often times it comes when we do something that we or others might deem as wrong, or going against our personal morals of what's right and wrong. For most people when we have feelings of guilt we also have feelings of remorse. We wish that we did or did not do something. Often these feelings of guilt arise because we worry about how a particular action we did affects others and things.
A lot of times in issues of anxiety (specifically with OCD) and depression guilt is a huge principle. For me personally, I do have some signs of OCD, especially when my anxiety levels are high. When my anxiety is high I obsess and worry about a specific thing or possible outcome. I will replay situations or thoughts over and over throughout the day, and it's often about things I feel some kind of guilt over.
People often have a hard time pushing past issues when there is some form of guilt linked to it. It's the guilt that causes us not to let go. I don't think feelings of guilt had a huge role in my anxiety or depression, but I think they are present now in my life. Here is why.
The last few months have been really good. I have started a few new chapters in my life and had new doors opening. I started a new job that has allowed me to begin working the type of hours I want to be working and making the type of money I think I deserve. I really enjoy the people I'm working with and have been getting a lot of positive feedback from my co-workers. Even though my recent car accident was not an enjoyable experience, I got a new car this week. This is the first large purchase that is completely me. It is only my name on the car loan, and I handled the insurance and purchasing almost 100% by myself.
This past summer I took first steps and checked items off my bucket list. I went to a lot of concerts with friends, I saw one of my best friends get married, and I started making a big dent in paying off debt. Most importantly, I have felt more like myself than I have in years. I can say more often than not I'm happy and feel like I am finally at a good place in my life. I feel like I finally have the things I deserve and I'm exactly where I am suppose to be. So why do I feel guilty?
I think it is because I am doing so well and I want to share that with everyone, but there are those in my life who are extremely important to me, and they are going through a hardship in their life. They are dealing with things like debt, having to move to a new place, dealing with a spouse who is going through a life changing event, and simply not enjoying their work. I guess my guilt is being in a good place and wanting to share it, especially with those important to me. I don't, however, want to share it and make those important to me who are going through a hardship feel worse. I don't want to offend them with my success.
I guess my moral code is that we are not suppose to show off. Being humble and not hurting others is the right thing to do. I know the best way to put these feelings behind me is to simply talk to those I am worried about offending. Because I also think it is important to celebrate our success and to share joy with others. I guess right now my moral compass is unsure which is the right direction in which to point.
Day 168- Vocabulary Word of the Day- Joggle (JOG-uhl) verb: 1.) to shake slightly; move to and fro, as by repeated jerks. 2.) to cause to shake or trotter as by a sudden, slight push; jostle. 3.) to join or fasten by fitting a projection into a recess. 4.) to fit or fasten with dowels. 5.) to move irregularly; have a jogging or jolting motion; shake.
noun: 1.) the act of joggling. 2.( a slight shake or jolt. 2.) a moving with jolts or jerks. 4.) a projection on one of two joining objects fitting into a corresponding recess in the other to prevent slipping. 5.) Carpentry. an enlarged area, as of a post or king post, for supporting the foot of a strut, brace, etc.
Example: These brothers, Harman and Irwin, have a kind of hopping, tiptoe gait, making the box joggle on the flatbed and creep steadily toward the back edge.
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