Day 183-Oh, We're Half Way There!

Today marks the half way point of this year long adventure. I can't believe it has already been six months. Part of me feels like I just started this yesterday, but the other part feels like I have been doing this forever. I guess that describes a lot of things in life.

I think why it seems like just yesterday is because I can still remember when I first came up with this idea and decided to do this. I remember when I first told my therapist this idea, when I first opened up to everyone on the social network sites I use, and my first post. I also specifically remember where I was when I wrote some of my earliest posts, and how I got some of my ideas. Remembering all those things makes it seem like it couldn't have been very long ago.

It seems like I just started because I feel like I have still have progress and growing to do. When I first began this I was probably at one of the lowest points of my entire life. I was so tired emotionally, mentally, and physically. I literally felt terrible every day. I was never present either. Even when I was physically there, I was hardly ever mentally there. I was all in my head. I was missing things by not being fully present.  Now, I can function on a daily basis. I actually enjoy moments, catch myself in happy moments, and even think positive thoughts more often than negative ones.

So far during this process I have had huge life events happen, and I think for the most part I have handled them fairly well. I transitioned into a new job, I got in my first car accident, I bought a new car, and I made the choice to take medicine for my anxiety and depression. I have kept true to my promise to post every day. Even when I'm tired and don't feel like writing, I make sure to always post SOMETHING. I've opened up and let a lot of people know about my every day. I've been surprised at the support and response I have received from both family, friends, people I haven't spoken to in awhile, and some people I don't even know.

I'm proud of where I have come in these past six months and can't wait to see how much farther I progress.


Day 183- Vocabulary Word of the Day- Instauration (in-staw-REY-shuhn) noun: 1.) renewal; restoration; renovation; repair. 2.) Obsolete. an act of instituting something; establishment.

Example: Hence, the Pop proclaimed the instauration of the Roman Empire, under two Emperors, a Northern Emperor and a Sothern Emperor.

Day 182- More Bucket List Items

I had a few items checked off on my bucket list and didn't even realize it. Here is how I found out.

I am a huge Disney fan. I love all the movies, I love the theme park, and I love how many memories I have growing up involving Disney. Personally, I think kids growing up today are missing out. The movies I had growing up are a million times better than they are now. I love the movies from my childhood so much, I want to own them all on DVD.

Now a lot of them I had on VHS as a child, but as technology has become better and we no longer had use for VHS tapes, we got rid of them. I wish we hadn't. Now, Disney does something I don't particularly like. They have something called a vault. Basically, all their classic movies the release for a limited time and then put them away for many years. So if you don't get them while you can you are out of luck. You have to resort to trying to find them on places like Ebay.

This Tuesday, my favorite Disney movie of all time is coming out. The Little Mermaid will be available on DVD. So, guess where I will be Tuesday after work? Buying it. Since this is my plan, I decided to look through all of the movies we have in the house, which isn't too much, but takes longer than five minutes to do so. I found out I already have two on my list.

68.) Own all my favorite Disney movies: The Lion King, Peter Pan


Day 182- Vocabulary Word of The Day- Contrail (KON-trey) noun: a visible condensation of water droplets or ice crystals from the atmosphere, occurring in the wake of an aircraft, rocket, or missile under certain conditions.

Example: With the air over the desert as dry as it was this time of the year, the target would not leave that much of a contrail, if any.

Day 181- Another Bucket List Item Checked!

I said the other day how I wanted to make this weekend about regaining my inspiration and crossing off items on my bucket list. Well today I followed through and went out and completed something I have wanted to do for awhile. It was actually a really simple task, but made me feel good.

37.) Pay for somebody's order behind me

I went to a drive-thru Starbucks this afternoon on my way to run errands and I saw this as a perfect opportunity. I was a little nervous at first, because when I pulled into the drive-thru, no one was behind me. Was I not going to be able to do this? After a few minutes though, a girl in a blue car pulled up behind me. She looked to be about my younger brother's age, and had pink streaks running through her blonde pony tail. When I pulled up to pay I told the guy to also pay for the order behind me. He did it without question.

As I drove away I thought about what her reaction was. I hope she appreciated it and that she will pass along the gesture to someone else at some point. I also hope she will tell others what happened and that it may spark someone else to do it as well. Now this has never personally been done for me, but I have heard others who have had someone pay for them. I always thought it was so cool to do. I've wanted to do it ever since I heard about it but for some reason haven't. To me, it is a small gesture to remind people that there are nice people in this crazy world. And who knows, maybe my small gesture could have just been the highlight and a turning point in her day.


Day 181- Vocabulary Word of the Day- Gangle (GANG-guhl) verb: to mover awkwardly or ungracefully.

Example: A tall, stiff-jointed man gangled past.

Day 180- It's Friday

The best part of Friday, I get to sleep in the next day! Today was a good Friday though. Work went by fairly fast, I had an early dinner with my parents, and I went to visit my brother, sister-in-law, and nieces. I also met my closest girlfriends for a later sushi dinner (Note: I don't eat sushi, I mostly just eat the edamame and go for the company). Overall, it was a nice day. Now, off to bed to catch up on my sleep.


Day 180- Vocabulary Word of the Day- Indubitable (in-DOO-bi-tuh-buhl, DYOO) adjective: that cannot be doubted; patently evident or certain; unquestionable.

Example: The change was indubitable. The difference between his present air and what it had been in the octagon room was strongly great.

Day 179- I Just Don't Wanna

I don't know why, but lately I just don't want to write every night. Maybe because I feel like I have had a huge amounts of writer's block. I don't know what to write about because I feel like nothing has inspired me lately. For the majority of my week, I am stuck in such a routine. I wake up around 6:30 A.M., go to work, come home, eat dinner, take Tyson for a walk, shower, get all my things ready for the next day, write my blog, and relax a little before bed. Since writing has become part of my routine, it is once again starting to feel like I HAVE to write, not that I WANT to write.

I am a creature of habit and I like routine a lot, but every now and then I need to change it up. I think a way to spark that enjoyment for this blog again is that I need to do something...possibly make this weekend a bucket list weekend. On both Saturday and Sunday this weekend I'm going to go out of my way to cross items off my bucket list. Hopefully that will remind me why I wanted to begin this. I not only wanted to share my story and possibly help others, but I wanted to change my mindset by doing things I've wanted to do for awhile and to put myself in situations that would help me grow.

We all need a little reminder sometimes on why we do things. We also need reminders that it's important to get ourselves out of the routine and funks we can sometimes get in.


Day 179- Vocabulary Word of the Day- Sectile (SEK-til) adjective: capable of being cut smoothly with a knife.

Example: The sound of rapid steps made me raise my morose gaze from the sectile mosaic of the court- realistic rose petals cut out of rodstein and large, almost palpable thorns cut out of green marble.  

Day 178- Less Time To Read

I think my reading period has officially ended. Now with all the television shows new seasons beginning, I have not read in awhile. Instead of reading at night, I'm watching How I Met Your Mother, The Voice, The Ellen DeGeneres Show, and Dancing with The Stars. Soon Glee, The Vampire Diaries, The Originals, and Awkward will start as well. I guess this is why I tend to only read in the Summer, because I like T.V. way too much.


Day 178- Vocabulary Word of the Day- Albedo (al-BEE-doh) noun: 1.) the white, inner rind of a citrus fruit. 2.) Astronomy. the ratio of the light reflected by a planet or satellite to that received by it. 3.) Meteorology. such a ratio for any part of the earth's surface or atmosphere.

Example: From deep space the rift had been visible only as a change in albedo, a dark scar slicing across the world.

Day 177- Outfit Of The Day

One thing I absolutely love is clothes. I'm not a shoes girls, a purse girl, a jewelry girl, or a makeup girl. I'm a clothes girl. I like to think I have a pretty good fashion sense and can put an outfit together (I was in retail for enough years).

For some reason though, I loved my outfit today. It was so me; jeans, a flowing tank, and flats.  So I thought I would share it with you.

Day 177- Vocabulary Word of the Day- Fermata (fed-MAH-tuh; IT fed-MAH-tah) noun: 1.) the sustaining of a note, chord, or rest for a duration longer than the indicated time value, with the length of the extension at the performer's discretion. 2.) a symbol placed over a note, chord, or rest indicating a fermata.

Example: I had finally detached myself from that intoxicating fermata, thinking I should make some kind of an effort to pull myself together.

Day 176- Attitude

Found this in a training book at work. I think this pretty much says it all.

Day 176- Vocabulary Word of the Day- Pilose (PAHY-lohs) adjective: covered with hair, especially soft hair; furry.

Example: She dressed in her pilose black fur coat in Boston, during that brief gap between her childhood and adulthood.

Day 175- Zzzz Zzzz

I mentioned yesterday how sleep is a huge factor in my anxiety. My anxiety seems to be higher or lower based on how much sleep I get. In fact, it is a huge factor in my entire life. Growing up the times I would get sick was when I was overly exhausted, which make sense because sleep is an extremely important part to staying healthy. When we are not getting enough sleep our mental health, emotional health, physical health, quality of life, and safety are all at risk. Constantly not getting enough sleep can actually increase a person's risk of developing chronic health issues.

Sleep helps our mental abilities by building new pathways while we sleep. This can help us prepare for the next day, helps us to learn, allows us to pay attention, helps in decision making, helps with our memory, and even helps us to be more creative. When we are lacking sleep we can have trouble with making decisions, solving problems, controlling emotions, act with bad behavior, and become unable to cope. In fact, studies show people with sleep deprivation issues also have issues with depression, stress, anger, impulsion, mood swings, lower motivation, and difficulty getting along with other people.

Sleep is also important to staying physically healthy. When we sleep our body actually works to heal and repair our heart and blood vessels. Lack of sleep can cause an increase in heart disease, high blood pressure, stroke, kidney disease, and diabetes. Sleep also helps to regulate our metabolism, which means that when we are tired we actually feel hungrier than if we weren't. Sleep can also affect the hormones used in growth and development, which is why when we are growing up it is so important to sleep enough. For me, sleep has the biggest effect on my immune system. When our are lacking sleep, it actually lowers your bodies immune systems ability to fight, which makes it easier to get sick.

Of course, sleep is a huge part in our day to day functioning. When we are tired we are less productive and slower. We also are at much higher risks at creating and causing accidents. When we are tired we actually end up doing something called microsleep. This is sleeping while we are actually awake. An example of this is if you are driving, but you don't remember how you got there. I know I've done this before, have you? They say this is actually much dangerous and causes more accidents than drunk drivers.

So how can we make sure we get enough sleep? Some ways to do this is by going to bed and waking up at the same time every day. On weekends, however, this can be changed but try not to go to bed an hour later than normal or sleep in a hour later than normal. It is also important to not eat or exercise at least two hours before bed. About an hour before you go to bed have quiet time and don't have anything that stimulates the brain on, like a TV or computer. It is also important to avoid nicotine and caffeine throughout the day, as well as avoiding alcohol right before bed; these all interrupt a person's sleep cycle. Studies also suggest making sure you are physically active and go outside every day to help with sleep, as well as keeping where you sleep quiet, cool, and dark.

So, whose ready for a good night sleep?


Day 175- Vocabulary Word of the Day- Sobersided (SOH-ber-sahy-did) adjective: solemn or grave in disposition, attitude, character, etc.;serious- minded.

Example: He's as crazy as a rat in a drainpipe. But I do believe the sobersided electorate of the third district is going to send him to Washington in November.


 

Day 174- A Day Full Of Accomplishment

Today I got so much done. I cleaned my entire room, did my laundry, cleaned my make up brushes, washed my car, painted a frame I have been wanting to change, played around with the bluetooth in my car, played a bit with Tyson, and tonight I am going to the movies with a friend. Overall, a very productive day.There are still a few things I want to do, but they can be done tomorrow. 

The last few days though my anxiety has been a little high. I think a lot of it has to do with that I am tired a lot lately from work. I thought I would be use to this 40 hrs a week thing, but I am just not a morning person at all, so it's hard waking up at 6AM five days a week. Sleep is huge for me. When I don't get enough of it, my anxiety rises. But even though my anxiety has been higher than normal, it is a different level of high. High now is low compared to what it use to be. 

Even with my anxiety high today, I still got so much done. Before, when my anxiety was high I would do nothing but lay around all day. I couldn't function or be productive. I have to remember that on days like today when my anxiety is higher than I've been use to lately, I am still at a better place than where I  was.

Day 174- Vocabulary Word of the Day- Lallygag (LAH-lee-gag, LAL-ee) verb: 1.) to spend time idly; loaf 2.) to indulge in kisses and caresses; make love; neck.

Example: Are you coming in, or are you going to lallygag in the hallway?

Day 173- Quality Time With My Dad

This weekend my mom has gone out of town to visit a friend. That means it is just me, my dad, my brother, and Tyson for the weekend. My brother is working tonight so I suggested to my dad this afternoon that he and I go out and have dinner....kinda like a father-daughter night. I don't know when the last time, if ever, he and I have done this.

I have mentioned before that one of the greatest humdinger to come out of this whole situation is that I have become much more understanding, patient, and grateful for my dad. Seeing how much he has been there for me over the past two years has been truly amazing. Even though I am very close to my mom it is so nice that I can also say I am close with my dad as well, and it is important to me that he and I have more nights like this.


Day 173- Vocabulary word of the Day- Parnassian (pahr-NAS-ee-uhn) adjective: 1.) pertaining to poetry. 2.) pertaining to Mount Parnassus. 3.) of, pertaining to, or noting a school of French poets of the latter half of the 19th century, characterized chiefly by a belief in art for art's sake, by an emphasis on metrical form, and by the repression of emotive elements: so called from Le Parnasse Contemporian, the title of their first collection of poems, published in 1866. 4.) a member of the Parnassian school of French poets.

Example: However, your quest is dignified by its very disinterestedness; it is distanced from real human concerns and suffering; it is Parnassian, academic, aloof, elitist.

Day 172- Pizza, Pizza

Tonight my mom and I went to meet a very close family friend for dinner. It has been a stressful week at work for all of us so we decided to get together and treat ourselves. We even went shopping after we ate and like usual, I bought more than I probably should have.

We did, though, eat at one of my favorite places. It was yummy! Try not to drool. :)

Day 172- Vocabulary Word of the Day- Humdinger (HUHM-DING-er) noun: a person, thing, action, or statement of remarkable excellence or effect.

Example: A humdinger indeed. I had a whole list of agents, publishers, magazine editors who'd say I was right.

Day 171- My Puppy

I'm exhausted! It was "one of those days" at work, and I don't mean the good kind.

So, one days like this there is only one thing I want to do......relax and cuddle with my puppy.

Day 171- Vocabulary Word of the Day- Monad (MON-ad, MOH-nad) noun: A single unit or entity.

Example: The soul is so far from being a monad that we have not only to interpret other souls to ourself but to interpret ourself to ourself.

Day 170- Loving Every Day

When I first started this process I had the thought in my head that I was going to do something every day that I loved. I was going to make a point of it and actively go out and do something.  Making a point of doing something each day began to feel like a chore. It began to feel like an obligation; it was a task I HAD to do, not that I WANTED to do.

In place of doing a specific thing each day, I have incorporated some of the things I love the most into my every day life. Instead of making a point to do them, they just come naturally and are part of my every day. Each day I hangout with my family, I go for a walk with my mom and Tyson, I give my parents a hug, I write, I listen to music, and I have cuddle time with Tyson. These are the things that are most important to me and that I love the most right now, so I have made them part of my EVERY DAY life. Anytime I do something else off my love list, it's like a bonus.

This new way of life actually came pretty easy. I just sat down and really looked at what is important to me: my family, my dog, and having something creative in my life. Once I realized this it was fairly easy to work those things into my daily life since I had already identified activities I enjoy doing that involves them. It wasn't a chore, something I HAD to do. I WANTED to do them.

As this process has progressed and as I have slowly began to feel better and feel more like myself my outlook has changed. Instead of doing something every day I love, I have realized there is something to love about every day.


Day 170- Vocabulary Word of the Day- Fleer (fleer) verb: 1.) to grin or laugh coarsely or mockingly. 2.) to mock or deride. 3.) a fleering look; a jeer or gibe.

Example: His lips fleer back, baring his teeth.

Day 169- Dance, Dance, Dance

One thing I really miss is dancing. I loved being on dance team in 8th grade, but I never followed through in high school. Instead I played another year of soccer, payed more attention to my classes, and took different medical internship classes. I also haven't been out dancing with friends in a very long time.

In replacement of that I watch a lot of dance shows and see the majority of dance movies that come out. I'm just so amazed and in awe of dancers. Even though I have rhythm, I am nowhere near the level that the majority of the people on these shows are at. To me, it is so beautiful and amazing to watch.

Tonight, one of my favorite dance shows, Dancing With The Stars, begins its new season. If I was a star, I would definitely want to be on the show. I think because I have never even attempted ballroom dancing, that is why I like watching it so much. Seeing all the different routines they come up with and the stories they tell is breathtaking. I also enjoy watching the journey these people go through during the process. To me, it's inspiring.

Day 169- Vocabulary Word of the Day- Orrery (AWR-uh-ree, OR) noun: 1.) an apparatus for representing the positions, motions, and phases of the planets, satellites, etc. in the solar system. 2.) any of certain similar machines, as a planetarium.

Example: For part of the clock was an orrery: a mechanical model of the solar system that displayed the current positions of the planets and many of their moons.

Day 168- Feeling A Little Guilty

At some point in life there will be something we will feel guilty about. Often times it comes when we do something that we or others might deem as wrong, or going against our personal morals of what's right and wrong. For most people when we have feelings of guilt we also have feelings of remorse. We wish that we did or did not do something. Often these feelings of guilt arise because we worry about how a particular action we did affects others and things.

A lot of times in issues of anxiety (specifically with OCD) and depression guilt is a huge principle. For me personally, I do have some signs of OCD, especially when my anxiety levels are high. When my anxiety is high I obsess and worry about a specific thing or possible outcome. I will replay situations or thoughts over and over throughout the day, and it's often about things I feel some kind of guilt over.

People often have a hard time pushing past issues when there is some form of guilt linked to it. It's the guilt that causes us not to let go. I don't think feelings of guilt had a huge role in my anxiety or depression, but I think they are present now in my life. Here is why.

The last few months have been really good. I have started a few new chapters in my life and had new doors opening. I started a new job that has allowed me to begin working the type of hours I want to be working and making the type of money I think I deserve. I really enjoy the people I'm working with and have been getting a lot of positive feedback from my co-workers. Even though my recent car accident was not an enjoyable experience, I got a new car this week. This is the first large purchase that is completely me. It is only my name on the car loan, and I handled the insurance and purchasing  almost 100% by myself.

This past summer I took first steps and checked items off my bucket list. I went to a lot of concerts with friends, I saw one of my best friends get married, and I started making a big dent in paying off debt. Most importantly, I have felt more like myself than I have in years. I can say more often than not I'm happy and feel like I am finally at a good place in my life. I feel like I finally have the things I deserve and I'm exactly where I am suppose to be. So why do I feel guilty?

I think it is because I am doing so well and I want to share that with everyone, but there are those in my life who are extremely important to me, and they are going through a hardship in their life. They are dealing with things like debt, having to move to a new place, dealing with a spouse who is going through a life changing event, and simply not enjoying their work. I guess my guilt is being in a good place and wanting to share it, especially with those important to me. I don't, however, want to share it and make those important to me who are going through a hardship feel worse. I don't want to offend them with my success.

 I guess my moral code is that we are not suppose to show off. Being humble and not hurting others is the right thing to do. I know the best way to put these feelings behind me is to simply talk to those I am worried about offending. Because I also think it is important to celebrate our success and to share joy with others. I guess right now my moral compass is unsure which is the right direction in which to point.


Day 168- Vocabulary Word of the Day- Joggle (JOG-uhl) verb: 1.) to shake slightly; move to and fro, as by repeated jerks. 2.) to cause to shake or trotter as by a sudden, slight push; jostle. 3.) to join or fasten by fitting a projection into a recess. 4.) to fit or fasten with dowels. 5.) to move irregularly; have a jogging or jolting motion; shake.

noun: 1.) the act of joggling. 2.( a slight shake or jolt. 2.) a moving with jolts or jerks. 4.) a projection on one of two joining objects fitting into a corresponding recess in the other to prevent slipping. 5.) Carpentry. an enlarged area, as of a post or king post, for supporting the foot of a strut, brace, etc.

Example: These brothers, Harman and Irwin, have a kind of hopping, tiptoe gait, making the box joggle on the flatbed and creep steadily toward the back edge.

Day 167- More Bucket List Items

A lot of my bucket list items I have been able to cross off this summer are seeing certain music artists in concert. Well today is the last concert I have tickets to for awhile, but I get to cross off 2 artists. I'm really excited about one in particular because they are the first country group that I really liked. In fact, they are actually the group that got me listening to country to in the first place. They are Rascal Flatts.

I'm going tonight with my group of girlfriends that I go to all my country concerts with and who are 3 of my closest friends. So I'm anticipating that tonight will be a good, fun, and memorable night.

33.)  See Rascal Flatts, The Band Perry in concert.


Day 167- Vocabulary Word of the Day- Dissilient (dih-SIL-ee-uhnt) adjective: bursting part; bursting open.

Example: I imagined the dissilient pod of rumors a creative bureau chief up for promotion might hatch.

Day 166- My New Baby

Here is my new car!! A 2014 Ford Focus!!

Day 166- Vocabulary Word of the Day- Anfractuous (an-Frak-choo-uhs) adjective: characterized by windings and turnings; sinuous; circuitous: an anfractuous path.

Example: At the foot of this anfractuous path which leads to the summit of Sam's Island lies the incredible Black Bay. 

Day 165- I Got It!

Tonight I bought a new car! It's crazy to me because a week ago today was when I got into my accident, and exactly a week later I drove home a new car.

Now I will have more time because I won't be going straight from work to look at cars. I promise to get back to writing more than a couple sentences. Also, tomorrow I will post a picture of me and my new car. :)


Day 165- Vocabulary Word of the Day- Bordereau (bawr-duh0ROH; FR. bawd-duh-ROH) noun: A detailed memorandum, especially one in which documents are listed.

Example: "We need a photograph of the bordereau," he said when he met Dubon at his office hat evening.

Day 164- I Think I've Found It

I think I have found the car I'm going to buy. It's funny because going into this process I never would have thought this is what I would have ended up with. It wasn't even on my list of cars I wanted to see.

So hopefully tomorrow I'll post a picture of me with my new car!!


Day 164- Vocabulary Word of the Day- Ikat (ee-kaht) noun: 1.) a method of printing woven fabric by tie-dyeing the warp yarns (warp ikat), the weft yarns (weft ikat), or both (double ikat) before weaving. 2.) a fabric made by this method.

Example: I saw a collection of monumental tombs and watched a group of village ikat weavers using plants like indigo leaf to dye and make the fabric I'd always admired.

163- It Has Begun

I started my car search tonight. I only went to check out two cars at two different dealerships tonight and I'm exhausted. I will be going to check out two more dealerships tomorrow before seriously thinking and making a decision.

This whole process that started last Thursday has definitely been stressful, but my anxiety has stayed at a minimum, which is great! Lets just hope it stays that way. wish me luck!!


Day 163- Vocabulary Word of the Day- Bauble (BAW-buhl) noun: 1.) a showy, usually cheap, ornament; trinket; gewgaw. 2.) a jester's scepter.

Example: From his pocket, he got out a small glittering bauble, careful wrapped in translucent brown fiber.

Day 162- Decisions, Decisions

Today I found out exactly what I will get to wok with as far as money to find a new car is concerned. I am actually very happy with it. Now comes the tough part. Actually deciding on a car.

This week after dinner I think I will start  going to check things out. Hopefully this time next week I will be telling all about my new car. For now, it's time to get my car search homework on!


Day 162- Vocabulary Word of the Day- Peplum (PEP-luhm) noun: 1.) a short full flounce or an extension of garment below the waist, covering the hips. 2.) a short skirt attached to a bodice or jacket. 3.) Obsolete. a peplos.

Example:

She is wearing what she went out in the night before, a green peplum jacket over a swingy skirt.

Note: I get these words out of my dictionary app I have on my phone. It has a word of the day section. I don't know why, but the last few days have all been related to clothing or fabric. I think it's a sign I need to go shopping more. :)

Day 161- It's Been Awhile

It has been awhile since I actively went out to make sure I did something off my love list. It's not because my anxiety or depression have been bad lately, it's just that with a lot of stressful events the last few days, I wanted to make sure I did a few things for me. That way I will be recharged tomorrow to start the new week.

The first thing I did for me today was go to church. I haven't been able to go the last few weeks, so I have missed it. The topic today was an interview with an astronomer who discussed how most people say science has proven there is no God, but this is not true. Most of these people and scientist who use this thinking prove their point through biological science, but those who study the universe, say otherwise. The more scientist who study the universe and its formation actually find that science proves there is a God; there are facts that He does exist. It was very interesting to hear since most of my life I believed that science proved there was no God, but after hearing what I heard today I want to look into this idea more, studies of the universe proving God's existence.

I also went shopping with a friend today. A new store opened in the mall this past week so I went to check it out and buy a few things. It was nice to get out and go to the mall. I don't think I've actually been in the main mall for awhile. Plus my friend I went with I haven't seen for a little bit so it was nice to catch up.

After dinner tonight my Mom and I will take Tyson for a walk. Lately it has just been me going, so it will be nice for both of us to take him. Then tonight when going to bed I will cuddle with Tyson.

So, today has been a day of LOVE. A good way to start the week, which WILL be better than last week.


Day 161- Vocabulary Word of the Day- Chambray (SHAM-brey) noun: a fine cloth of cotton, silk, or linen, commonly of plain weave with a colored wrap and white weft.

Example:

He wears blue jeans and a chambray work shirt over a turtleneck, and the yellow corduroy sport jacket is warm there under the lights, but he knows he needs the pockets.

Day 160- A Little Bit Of Stress

The last few days have been stressful to say the least. Knock on wood, I hope I never get into an accident again. Last night I started looking at different types of cars since I will have to be buying a new one. I've narrowed it down to six I want to go and look at. Hopefully it will be easier once I narrow it down even more.

I was able to get a my rental today, so at least I'm mobile again. I'm still sore, but I think I should be back to normal by Monday. It's funny, getting in the accident, dealing with the insurance, and looking for a new car are stressful situations, but it hasn't flared up my anxiety. The thing that has made me feel a little anxious is that I'm not feeling 100%. Being sore and tired from all the stress is what gives me some anxiety.

I've mentioned before that one of my biggest triggers for my anxiety is my health. It triggers feelings of being out of control. With so many unexpected health issues in the last 2 years, ones that I couldn't control, I feel very out of control when I don't feel well. It is that feeling of loss of control that I have issues with. I have made progress in realizing that most things I can't control, and that when things do happen all I can do is control how I handle and deal with it. I have more progress that needs to be made though when it comes to automatically associating not feeling well with something worse happening on the horizon.

Overall, I believe I have handled it all very well. I have found that I have been checking my rear view mirror more often when I'm stopped at a light, but this hasn't made me a complete basket case when driving like I was worried it would. I think because I wasn't too badly hurt, I accepted that it happened, and I knew that some anxiety may arise has helped me to not go over the edge.


Day 160- Vocabulary Word of the Day- Toile (twahl) noun: any various transparent linens and cottons.

Example:

His attention had been diverted by the astonishing amount of toile the room contained. The curtains were toile, the bedspreads were toile, as were the lamp shades and the boudoir chair.  

Day 159- Pretty Sore

Today is going to be a rather short post. My body, specifically my neck, is pretty sore today. I'm also going to have to start shopping around because today my car was determined as totaled. I'm kind of excited because anytime you get something new it is exciting, but then again I'm not because I am not looking forward to car payments again. I'm glad that this happened though with my new job because I definitely would not have been able to afford this at my old job.

Everything happens for a reason for sure!!


Day 159- Vocabulary Word of the Day- Gingham (GING-ham) : noun- yarn-dyed, plain-weave cotton fabric, usually striped or checked.

Example:


It was gingham, with checks of white and blue; although the blue was somewhat faded with many washings, it was still a pretty frock.

Day 158- First Time Accident

Today I was in my first car accident ever in the 12 years I have been driving. I've never even been in an accident when someone else has been driving. I won't go into too much detail about it because I don't want anything to get messed up as far as insurance goes, but myself and everyone else involved is fine. It was not my fault which I am thankful for. I think I would be much more of a basket case if it had been. I will definitely need a lot of work done on my car, or it might possibly end up with me getting a new car. We will see.

After I pulled off to the side of the road I called my mom so that she could meet me. I knew my car would need to be towed and my mom has AAA, I don't. When she got there she was so surprised that I wasn't shaking or crying. Overall I was pretty calm. I think it's because the other cars involved didn't skedaddle and leave me there alone. I was more mad I was going to be late for work than anything else.

The interesting thing is that a lot of things that other people stress and get anxiety over, like being in a car accident, starting a new job, trying to pay off debt, etc. are not the things that trigger me. If I'm being honest, the only part that is giving me anxiety is me worrying if driving is going to make me nervous now, because it never did before. Basically, I worry about whether or not I will worry. Hopefully this time though, with better tools in my belt this will not get out of control. I guess we will just see when I have to drive to work tomorrow.


Day 158- Vocabulary Word of the Day- Habiliment (huh-BIL-uh-muhnt): noun-
1.) Usually habiliments. a. clothes or clothing. b. clothes worn in a particular profession, a way of life, etc.

2.) habiliments, accouterments or trappings.

Example:

At this very moment, perhaps, Toad is busy arraying himself in those singularly hideous habiliments so dear to him, which transform him from a (comparatively) good-looking Toad into an Object which throws any decent-minded animal that comes across it into a violent fit.

Day 157- On A Positive Note

It's an incredible thing when you can actually see changes in yourself. For me, I get a sense of pride in myself every time I notice when I do something that is getting me closer to the type of person I want to be. On my drive home from work today, that exact situation happened.

Where I live it has been very hot weather wise lately, which in not unusual to anyone who has lived in my town during this time of year before. It is unusual though, that we have been having high humidity. Normally, we just have a dry type of heat. Now I'm not sure if the humidity is caused by the fact we have had a lot of cloud coverage nearby with thunderstorms happening, or if it is the humidity that is causing the clouds and thunderstorms. I've never studied that. Either way, every day I see clouds off in the distance every time I'm driving home.

I believe I have mentioned this before, but in case I haven't I'll mention it again. I love clouds. I'm not sure why, but I do. Big, puffy, white clouds that are usually in the sky after a rain storm are my favorite. They just make me happy because I think there is something so beautiful and magical about them (maybe it's because I watched a lot of Care Bears as a child and that is where they lived- in puffy, white clouds).  I'm also not sure if I mentioned the fact that I hate the heat. I get very irritated if it's over 90 degrees outside.

Today though, as I was driving home I thought to myself that the upside to this heat wave we have been having is all the clouds I get to see every day. I know that tiny thought seems like nothing, but for me it's HUGE! I have always been a glass half-empty girl. It was rare that I would see something positive in situations that I deemed less than enjoyable. If one part of the circumstance was negative, it was all negative- nothing could be positive. The fact that I even thought a tiny spec of positive (seeing clouds I love every day) in this negative surrounding I'm in (a huge heatwave), is a step to being a more positive person; which is exactly the kind of person I want to be.


Day 157- Vocabulary Word of the Day- Skedaddle ( ski- DAD-l) : verb- to run away hurriedly; flee.
noun- a hasty flight.

Example: We don't have time to waste today. Now go get your coffee and skedaddle.

Day 156- Summer Memories

Labor Day usually signifies the end of summer because this is the time of the year when school starts and everyone gets back to some kind of routine. Summer has often been my favorite time of the year because I love being outside, pool parties, the beach, and being able to be outside literally all night without getting cold.

If I had to think of my favorite memory from summer it would have to be about three years ago. During this time the television show The Jersey Shore had just come out and was very popular. My friends and I decided to have a Jersey Shore themed party. Everyone dressed up, either as a specific person from the show or simply like people you would possibly see on the show.

Now my favorite summer memory is not necessarily the party itself, but the video that followed. A friend of mine video taped different parts of the night and ended up putting together a 3 minute and 23 second video. To this day I can still watch it and think it is one of the funniest videos I've ever seen. It puts a smile on my face every time. There were so many things that night I didn't see because I was in another room or was not there yet.

It was during this time too that I had the closest group of friends ever, I loved my job, and it was one of the happiest years I had while in my early twenties. That specific summer had so many good memories, but that specify party was the most fun and the best summer memory from that time in my life.


Day 156- Vocabulary Word of the Day- Serotinal (so-rot-n-l, set-uh TAHYN-l) : adjective- Pertaining to or occurring in late summer.

Example:

Botanists use the word serotinous to describe late-blossoming, and serotinal refers to the late-summer season of the year, especially used in descriptions of life-histories of freshwater organisms.

*Note: I did not realize the vocabulary word of the day referred to summer until after I finished writing my post for the day.

Day 155- Perfect Day Off

After having the last three days off I really think weekends should be three days. Whoever decided that a work week should be five days instead of four days did not have a good idea. One day of the weekend is the day you get all your chores done that you need to get done, and the other day is only truly a half day off because then you have to get ready for the work week. After today I feel so refreshed and ready for the work week.

Today I got to sleep in until 9:30AM, I ate one of my favorite kinds of breakfast (a bagel with cream cheese), I changed out of my pajamas and into my bathing suit, I updated my music and FINALLY transferred all my music onto my new iPod I got for my birthday in June, I ate lunch, I laid in the pool with my mom and some of her friends, I read some of my book, I ran an errand for my dad, I had an extra long cold shower to cool off from the hot weather, and I had a Bar-B-Que with some of the neighbors for dinner. Overall, it was one of the best days off I have had in awhile.

I think this is how we should auspicate every week before the work week begins again- with relaxation and fun.


Day 155- Vocabulary Word of the Day- Pari Passu (PAH- red PAHS- zoo; Eng. PAIR-ahy PAS-oo, PAIR-ee): adverb- 1.) with equal pace or progress; side by side. 2.) without partiality; equably; fairly

Example:

But the ingenious machinery contrived by the Gods for reducing human possibilities of amelioration to a minimum- which arranges that wisdom to do shall come pari passu with the departure of zest for doing- stood in the way of all that.

Day 154- Expand Your Vocabulary

It is a new month which means I will be ending each post in a new way. I actually had a hard time coming up with something this month. I asked my Mom and a few friends if they had any suggestions, but none of them really grasped me. It wasn't until maybe 30 minutes ago I decided what I was going to do.

Lately I have felt that a lot of my posts haven't really had lessons in them. In the begging I was writing and teaching a lot about things I learned in therapy or about what I had learned from books that I read on anxiety and depression. Since I have come to understand my issues and ways to deal with them over the last few months, I have not been to therapy in awhile, plus the books I have been reading have been more for pleasure than for learning.

Since this month is generally the time when people go back to school, I want to get back to teaching. Even if it is something small, I want to leave you with something new and something you could use in your every day life. Now for me, someone who loves to write and who reads, I don't think I have a very wide range of vocabulary. I feel like I use the same words over and over. One thing I do though is I always have a dictionary on me. I have one in my phone. Any time I'm reading and see a word I don't know or hear someone use a word I don't know the meaning to, I look it up. It is a way for me to learn something new.

So, at the end of each post I'm going to end with the word of the day in my dictionary and its meaning. Then I will try to use that word either when I'm talking to someone or in my posts the next day. I challenge you to do the same. This month we can all hopefully learn together.


Day 154- Vocabulary Word of the Day- Auspicate (AW-spi-keyt): verb- to initiate with ceremonies calculated to ensure good luck; inaugurate.

Example:

We decided to auspicate our love.

Here at the center of the nation beneath the portals of the capital let us solemnly auspicate the new era of violated promises and tarnished faith.