Day 364- A Recap Of The Last Year

I thought since this is my second to last post I would fill everyone in on what was achieved during this process. I could have never done it without the love and support of my family and friends, and even random strangers. So take a look and see the journey of this blog.

Total views: 9,318 (This was how many times people looked at my blog over the last year.)
Most viewed month: December 2013 (1,234 views in one month)
Most viewed post: Day 1- This is How It All Began (71 views)
Countries my blog was viewed in: United States (7,322 views), Canada (864 views),
Russia (580 views), Germany (159 views), South Korea (112 views), China (21 views),
Ukraine (20 views), United Kingdom (18 views), Greece (14 views), and Indonesia (12 views)
Most often used internet browser to view postings: Safari (2,914 views)
Most used system/device to view postings: Windows/PC (3,619 views)
Number of Bucket List items crossed off: 36

Looking back at this I had high hopes, but I never could have imagined this. I mean, who could have ever predicted 580 page views in Russia! The love and support is not only what has kept me going, but it has been the driving force to help make me better. Without it I think I would still be in that dark, sad, worried filled hole I was in a year ago. The amount of changes that has occurred in such a short time are astonishing. I don't take it for granted at all. I know I didn't achieve this by my own accord, but by the help of many. I am so humbled by all of it.

So for everyone who has taken the time to read even one post, shared it with someone, spoke to me in public and private about it, or simply supported me I want to say thank you. My goal at the start of this was to change not only my outlook and mind, but myself. I am proud to say that goal has been achieved. This chapter is ending, but I'm excited to start the new one.

Day 363- The Ultimate Test

It's amazing to me how life tests us. I am only 2 days away from finishing up this year long commitment, and last night I had a true test in seeing how I am handling all that I have been working on.

Yesterday I hurt my foot. I cut it up pretty badly both on the top and bottom by accident. Its pretty red and pretty swollen, and it hurts to walk on. Needless to say I have a pretty good limp going on. I made sure to clean it up real well and I have been keeping it clean with some anti-bacterial gel. I'm elevating my foot as much as possible and icing it as much as I can. Of course, I'm trying to not walk on it too much either.

Even though there wasn't any metal involved, I've had a tetanus shot in the last year so I wasn't worried about that. I'm not too worried about infection either since I'm keeping it clean, and even though it's red it's not hot. I'm keeping a very good eye on it. Even though I know all of this, that didn't stop me from waking up at 4:30 A.M. this morning and starting to panic.

I woke up and my foot was throbbing. I got up to grab a new ice pack and I could hardly walk. Instead of taking a second and realizing that my foot was most likely sore from being a little swollen and not having much movement with it through out the night, I went to that dark place. I starting thinking "What if it gets so infected I have to go in the hospital? Or what if I get an infection so bad they have to amputate my foot?" Clearly this was not rational thoughts. I was easily going into the catastrophic thinking that has been my downfall in the past.

By the time I got my ice pack and was back in bed, I felt the heat in the back of my neck and the nausea in my stomach. All the signs that my anxiety was building. I could have easily called for my parents to talk me down from this, but I decided I was going to do it on my own. I realized that if I'm ever going to move out and be on my own, I have to take care of myself sometimes.

I started going over in my head again the things I know. I've had necessary shots recently. I cleaned it very well. I am continuing to clean it. I'm keeping a close eye on it. I'm smart enough to know when enough is enough if it does get infected. And then I said a small little prayer to help me control my unrealistic thoughts, my worry, to help my foot heal properly, and without any trouble. By doing all of this, I was able to calm myself down.

Needless to say I am still a little nervous. My health and the health of my loved ones is the biggest root and cause for my anxiety. It was just a true test as I get ready to close this chapter and start a new one. And if you ask me, I may not have aced it, but I defiantly passed.

Day 362- Just Keep Growing

I've learned that even though I have made huge strides, there is always still room to grow. No one is perfect, so it means there are always things to work on. As we get older things change. Our views become different, our priorities shift, and our lives  go in directions we could have never imagined. As a result we may have ups and we may have downs. The only way to keep going is to keep growing.

I know how hard it is to make a change. It has to become a priority. Almost like a full time job. You have to be conscious of what you are doing if you want to fix something. But take it from me, it is so worth it. The sense of accomplishment and pride in knowing that the only person who can get the credit is yourself. Sure you may have help. Ultimately though it is only ourselves who can the choice to grow and change, and it is only ourselves who can put it the work.  

Day 361- The Little Things

I've learned that it really is the little things in life that can make or break us. Today was a perfect example of that. I overslept this morning, didn't get everything I wanted to get done at work today done even though I stayed almost an hour late, and my leftovers I was excited to eat from dinner last night were no longer good. But that's ok because tonight made up for all that. 

When I was out walking Tyson I came across a stray dog. With the help of a few people I was able to get the dog back to its owners. Then when I went to the gym afterwards I moved up a level on my 5k training and it wasn't that bad. I was able to do it. It was those 2 little things that ended up making this day a good day. 

So remember, the little things can make all the difference. 

Day 360- Communication

I've learned the best way for me to deal and cope with things is through communication. Whether it is talking out my feelings or writing them out, it is the best way I know how to deal with things. 

Day 359-Mama Bear

I've learned that in every single group of friends I have had I have taken on the mom role. It could be because I'm fairly responsible when it comes to myself and others. I am always making sure everyone is safe and that no one is left behind. I also am the one that seems to be the advice giver and the listener. I don't mind it. It comes pretty naturally for me. Maybe it's practice for the future. 

Day 358- Be Selfish

I've learned one of the best things you can do is be selfish. Does that mean that you shouldn't do things for others simply because you don't want to? No. Does it mean that you shouldn't think about others? No. It means that you have to be willing to make sure you have to be willing to take care of yourself, otherwise you won't be any good to anyone.

When I was going through my issues, I was the most selfish person. I was always thinking about myself. I felt like I was always talking about MYself and My problems. I was so in my head that I was never truly present when I was with others. I would break plans or not even make them because I was worried if I wouldn't enjoy them. I was the wrong kind of selfish.

Now that I am feeling like myself again I am a different kind of selfish. In fact, I'm not sure if it really is selfish. It it more that I am self-aware. I know the signs when I am having some anxiety or sadness creep in. When I notice those I do the things that I know I need to do to get back to a positive place. By taking the time to make sure I am the best version of myself I can make sure to give everyone I encounter my best.
 

Day 357- Cuddle Bug

I've learned that there is no better feeling than coming home after a long day and curling up and cuddling with your puppy. 

Day 356- Still Have Doubts

One thing I have learned is that I still have doubts, especially when it comes to religion and God. I'd be lying if I didn't say I have had moments of absolute certainty about God, and that it was the belief that someone was looking out for me and church that helped me to get through this. But like all humans I'm not perfect and I still don't have an unshakable faith. But the thing that separates me from others is that I want to and I'm going to work at it and seek out what ultimately is the truth for me. 

One thing I have learned is that I 100% believe that everything happens for a reason. I haven't learned though what I think is behind that. If everything happens for a reason, then there must be a plan for all of us. We all must have a path for a lives. So who is the one that determines that path? Is a creator? Is that path determined before we are ever born? These are the questions I still don't know what the answers for myself are. 

For me, the hardest part is when I read the Bible. The stories seem unbelievable to me. Then again, aren't they suppose to be? Wasn't Jesus larger and greater than all of us? I do believe there was somebody named Jesus alive at one point. I do believe he must have done amazing things and was an incredible man. I believe he created a following and taught people how to live a good life. A life where we are good to others and who have hope and belief in something greater than ourselves. Those facts I am sure of. 

Another thing I have learned and that I can't shake is the fact that once I started opening up to the idea and possibly of God was when things changed for me. When I started going to church, reading the Bible, listening to worship music, and being around others who are believers, things got better. To me, that is a sign that Jesus and God are real. When I started opening up to God and seeking Him was when I started to get better. I don't know where my spiritual journey will  go, but I know that I am open to it and learning more about it.

Day 355- Cross It Off

I've learned there is no better feeling than having a dream and accomplishing it. part of the reason my depression developed was because I didn't think I had things to look forward to anymore. I felt like I had anxiety, I was miserable, and that's how it was always going to be. Nothing would ever be fun again because my anxiety would always get in the way. I realized that in order to have things to look forward to I had to do it myself.

I started thinking about things that I wanted to do; things I wanted to accomplish. Some of them were little, and some of them were big. Eventually I realized that I had essentially been writing a bucket list. To be honest, I didn't think I would cross any of them off this past year. I crossed off a total of 36 items this past year. Each time the feeling was great. What is even better is as I cross something off, I seem to find something else to add. When one dream is realized, another one is created.

Bucket List Item

29.) Plant a vegetable garden.

Day 354-I Have To

I've learned that in life there are some things you have to do. You dont necessarily always want to do them, but you have to.

Day 353- Don't Know

I've learned that just like when it comes to a topic to write about tonight, sometimes you just don't know. We have no idea what will happen in the future. For a control freak like me who like to know everything, this is terrifying. A lot of my anxiety was related to not feeling like I was in control and not knowing what will happen from one day to the next.

I use to, even before I got out of bed, start to worry if the I was going to have a good day or bad day. No one can know that. I can't even tell you how many days I thought were going to go one way, but ended up going the complete opposite. Sometimes that's a good thing.

Even though I have learned that we can't know what will happen in the future, I can't tell you how I learned to accept that. I still like to have as much control as possible, but I'm not as terrified as I was. It still scares me, the future, but I think because I know I will be alright no matter what happens it is less scary.

For me, the past 2-3 years have been HELL. I wouldn't wish on anyone to go through the feelings and thoughts I felt. It is honestly the hardest thing I have been through, and I've been through a lot. If I was able to help myself to get out of it, there is nothing I won't be able to rise above. I know there will be downs and though times again at some point, but knowing I will be fine is the only thing about the future I need to know.

Day 352- Lobster Tail

I have learned this past year that I actually enjoy going to sushi. Now I still don't eat it, but I enjoy going. It is one thing that my girlfriends and I go to regularly. One thing I like most about it is that it has allowed me to try something new. The first time and many times after I was anti-fish. I would never try it. This past year I finally tried fried lobster tail and I LOVE it!! If I take this little advice for myself and be willing to try new things, who knows what I'll find!!

Day 351- Stress Vs. Anxiety

For me, I have learned that I handle stress and anxiety completely different. I know a lot of times these two emotions are put together and made to mean the same thing, but they aren't. Just because I am stressed out does not mean that I'm experiencing anxiety as well. For me, there are specific things that give me stress and completely different things that give me anxiety. 

Stress is defined as : " a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances." For me I get stress if a lot of calls come in at the same time at work, if I'm running late for an appointment, or if I don't have enough time to get something done. It is a completely different feeling both physically and mentally for me. It usually involves a lot of adrenaline  felling overwhelmed, and feeling like I can get agitated very easily.

Anxiety is defined as : "a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome." For me I get anxiety when I'm not feeling well and I don't know why, when a family member is sick all of a sudden, when I am overly tired, or when I think about how my life will turn out. When I'm feeling axioms I feel very on edge, like I can cry at any minute, I get heat waves, and I will have spells where I feel like my skin is crawling. It also because very hard for me to fully focus. 

One of the biggest things I have learned this year is the difference in what gives me stress versus what gives me anxiety. I have also learned what those feelings are like in my body. Since I am able to recognize it I am better able to figure out how I handle those emotions. This allow me to keep my stress to developing anxiety.

Day 350- Trash TV

I learned that my favorite type of television to watch is what most people call trash TV. I love reality television. Some of my favorites are Dancing With The Stars, The Voice, Snooki and JWoww, Gulianna and Bill, and The Challenge. Perhaps my favorite is not actually a reality show, but still is not a scripted show either; The Ellen Degeneres Show. I feel like all these shows are fun, uplifting, and show more of the positive sides of life instead of being negative like a lot of the other TV out there. If I'm going to escape and watch something to be entertained, I want it to be uplifting.

Day 349- B-E-A-C-H

In order to be happy I need to live no more than an hour away from a beach. It helps to calm me. It is my happy place.

Day 348- I Can Do Anything

I learned this past year that there is nothing I can't do if I try hard enough. For example, this morning I walked my second 5k of this past year. When I started this project, I never thought that was possible. I also didn't think I would get as many page views as I have, or had as many people open up to me like they have.

Personality wise I never thought I would be able to change as much as I have in such a short amount of time. I'm still the same as I have always been in a lot of ways, but no where near who I was last year. Last year I was an emotional wreck. I was crying at the drop of a hat, I was nervous and worried all the time, I couldn't find the positive in almost anything, and I was so unhappy. Now I still cry a lot, but that is how I've always been. A sappy movie or a deserving family getting a car, I'm weeping all over the place. I also still worry, but it does not get out of control; I know how to real it back now. I still can be rather negative, but it is so much easier for me to see the positive side as well. Sometimes the positive thought comes before the negative thought! Most importantly, I can say I'm no longer unhappy. I have realized there are so many good things in life and so many things to appreciate, that it's tough not to have at least one happy moment each day.

I can't wait to see all the things I'll accomplish this next year.

Day 347- Real Friends

This past year I truly learned who my real friends are. These are the people that I will have in my life for the rest of my life. They listened to all my wild thoughts, picked me up when I was down, and supported me along the way. They both were figuratively and literally my shoulders to cry on at different times. They never judged me or made me feel any more crazy than I was already feeling at the time. So to those, who know who you are, thank you. I can't wait to see what else happens in our lives and friendships. 

Day 346- I Just Don't Want To

This past year I learned that some nights I just don't know what to write about. Tonight is one of those nights. I have also learned that when I make a promise to myself and fully commit, I will do what I have set out to do. Even if it is nothing but the bare minimum. I still do something instead of nothing. 

Day 345- Furry Friends

One thing I have learned is that I will now always have a dog. I don't know how I lived for 25 years without one. Having Tyson the last few years has been a life saver. I truly believe that if I had not had Tyson, I would have been in much worse shape than I was. I know that one thing I MUST have in my life in order to be happy is a dog. I'm a dog lover for life. 

Day 344- Family First

The biggest lesson I have learned this past year is how important and how much I need my family. They are the biggest support system. In my biggest moments of weakness they were the ones there listening to me and picking me up. Even when I was being ridiculous and annoying, which I know I was, they were there without complaint. They were there for me when I need someone to give me advice, when I needed someone to tell me it was going to be alright, and when I needed someone to wipe my tears. They were also there with me celebrating my victories, encouraging my goals, and loving me every step of the way.

I'll never forget when I heard the theory that as we get older, family is so important because ultimately that's all we have. Family members are the ones that are always part of who we are no matter where we go. The truth is, I don't plan on going far. I think one of the main ways I will continue to be happy is by having my family close by. I don't know where I will eventually end up, but I know it will be near my family.

Day 343- Knowing My Body

One thing I have always been really good about is knowing my body. I think from all my time in the hospital as a child and having doctors ask how I am, I learned about my body pretty quickly. In fact, the morning I woke up with the horrible pain my blockage was causing I knew it was serious. I knew it was more than just a little dehydration. For whatever reason I didn't say anything. I guess I was hoping it wasn't serious. We all know though, it was. 

One thing my anxiety did was it made me loose faith in me knowing my body. It caused me to believe the lie the anxiety was telling me. I knew every time I felt nauseous or dizzy it wasn't because I had developed a tumor over night, but I swore I did. It is amazing to me that all my years of learning and understanding myself could vanish so quickly. I still can't understand how I was able to doubt myself. 

Once I was able to learn the side effects of anxiety I learned even more about my body. I'm finally starting to feel confident again. Today I went to the doctors. The last few days I have not felt great so I decided to get it checked out. I was right. I have a sinus infection. I knew I needed to go because I have had so many sinus infections in the past. I know when I have one. It was a nice to gain some confidence again in knowing when something is and isn't right. 

Day 342- Type A All The Way

I won't go into this too much since I have mentioned it multiple types before, but I am very Type A personality. I'm super organized, I have to plan everything, I love lists, I'm fairly picky, and I'm boarder line OCD. The thing is, I like this about myself. Being clean, organized, and a planner is what has helped me to do well in both school and work.

I kind of knew this about myself even before all this happened. I never realized though how important it was in helping me feel calm. When I'm able to step back and see things in order, like my room being clean or my to do list checked off at work, I feel a sense of accomplishment and pride. It helps me to stay focused and working towards something. I guess that's what Type A is all about. 

Day 341- Mawage Is Wot Bwings Us Togeder Tooday

For the longest time I was not sure if I ever wanted to get married. Growing up in a society where half of marriages fail, the idea didn't seem very promising. It's not like I had a bad example of what marriage is suppose to be. Sure, my parents have had their ups and downs like all couples, but this year they will be celebrating 36 years together. I even come from a group of lasting marriages. Out of all of my closest friends only 1 or 2 have divorced parents. All the others have had parents who have been married for years.

I think a lot of my opposition towards was actually not that. I think that is was actually my response to a fear of ending up alone. If I said I didn't want to get married, then I wouldn't be disappointed if that is the way it ended up. The thing I have realized this year is I do in fact want to get married. I want to have someone to build and share a life with. I want to have the opportunity to have a wedding all my family and friends can come to. Most importantly, I don't to be alone when I'm in my older years.

Sometimes I think that this process would have been easier if I was in a relationship. Other times I know I would have been a terrible girlfriend/wife because I was so focused on me and actually rather selfish. Now though, I think I am finally in a place that is a relationship comes along I would value and appreciate it so much more.

Day 340- Counting Sheep

I already knew this about myself, but I relearned it this past year. For me, getting enough sleep is one of the best ways I can take care of myself. When I get overly exhausted or I am tired multiple days in a row, my body just doesn't work the same. It's like it punishes me for not giving it enough time to rest.

Ever since I was little, I would end up not feeling well if I didn't get enough sleep. For the longest time in my teen years and early twenties, I would always get sick in the winter. This wasn't because this is the time of year everyone gets sick. It was because it was the busiest time of year for me. Working in retail, the end of November and all the way till mid January I would be working non-stop. Plus I would always have either papers due or finals to study for since it was the end of the semester. Then add on the social events like holiday shopping and parties. It would leave me very little time for sleep. As a result for almost 5 years in a row from December to March, I would be sick and at the doctor's office every single month for something.

More recently I have noticed that as my sleep decreases my anxiety increases. I remember both my doctor and therapist telling me that this is true for almost everyone with anxiety problems. As a way to compensate for the tiredness I would have caffeine, which also increases anxiety. This is why I try to make a point of it to not over do it. I try and set aside at least one day a week to relax and catch up on sleep if I need to. For me, sleep is the best way I can take care of myself.

Day 339- Keep The Change

Change is not something I enjoy. I know that it happens and it is part of life. I also know it is necessary for growth. That doesn't mean I like it. I like consistency, habit, and a schedule. These are all things that keep me calm, focused, and thriving.

One of the biggest things that has helped me this last year is my job. Even though each day is different from the next at work, it has helped to give me a routine. There have been times this past year that I have felt like I was in a rut because of the same routine my days have become because of work. I always get up at the same time, work the same hours, and have the same nightly routine. Even on those days I have felt in a rut, however, I still have felt better than when I didn't have so much consistency each day.

When I started therapy I was so afraid of change. I was afraid if I didn't do the same things all the time, it would cause something bad to happen. I wasn't sure what, I just feared it wouldn't be good. As time has gone on I have learned that even if change comes it doesn't mean it won't automatically be a negative change. And if it is negative that is okay because I now know I will most likely be able to handle it. Even with learning this you probably won't hear me saying "Bring on the change," but you will be hearing me say "Change doesn't scare me like it use to."

Day 338- Give Me Credit

One thing I do not do is give myself enough credit. I never have and this is something I need to work on, but it's hard for me. Maybe it is a strong sense of humility, or maybe because I have lived it I can't see what a big deal the things I've gone through are. Either way, I tend to think of the things I have gone through and "survived" as not a big deal. It was just something I had to do.

The other day I was talking to a co-worker and we were discussing surgeries. I told him in quit a bit of detail about the 13 surgeries I have had. Out of all of them, four have been major surgeries involving my heart and spine. Those are things that you need in order to live. When I was telling him about them, he told me he was amazed at how cool and calm I seemed with it all. I was kind of taken back by that because I didn't think why I would be any other way. To me, it's not that big of a deal. It was something I had to do and everything turned out fine.

I also won't forget the time I had opened up to my manager at the time about all my anxiety and depression. This was right around the time it was starting to get really, really bad. He was shocked. He told me that I seemed to be doing well and had no issues. He flat out told me I need to give myself more credit for how well I carry and handle myself.

I don't know why I can't give myself more credit for my achievements and successes. It just doesn't come natural to me. It's not that I can't recognize when I have done something well. I guess I just hold myself to a high standard. A standard that I don't recognize as being high. I know how to set realistic goals so why don't I give myself realistic praise? This can be the thing I work on this year.
    

Day 337- I Care

One of my best qualities and what I like best about myself is I care. I care about my family, my friends, and almost anyone I meet. I truly value my relationships. If I consider you apart of my family or a friend I will do anything I can to help when you need it. I care when people are happy, when they are sad, when they are seeking help, when they are lonely, when they are needing space, etc. I'm the type of person that always gives a few dollars to a homeless person-after I have given them food and water. I care about people. I care about myself.

I realize this could be a downfall of mine. Sometimes I feel like I care too much or that I am the only one making an effort to keep a relationship going. But I would rather know I cared and I tried, than just giving up. Even is it doesn't matter to the other person, it matters to me that I mindful for another.

Any time I have received a message or had someone open up to me about their own anxieties or sadness, it has meant so much to me. It has been the greatest gift I have received from this experience. It could be because I am a true believer in we should treat others how we want to be treated. I wanted to be cared for, so I make sure I care for others.

Day 336- No Shame In My Game

When it comes to things that have happened to me, I have very little shame. I guess that goes hand in hand with me being open and honest. But when it comes to my struggles and my times of weakness, I'm not embarrassed about them. They have happened. I feel like if I were to be ashamed of having issues with anxiety and depression it would mean that I have done something wrong. I did nothing wrong. Unfortunately crappy things have happened to me in my life and it just became too much to handle.

Like a lot of things in our world, we have come along way in regards to mental health. Even though anxiety and depression are not conditions that have to last forever, they are still illnesses. In the past, mental health illnesses are something that was not talked about. There was a stigma with it. It was something to be ashamed about, and not something to let people know about.

Even with the advances we have made, there is still a stigma in our society. Mental health has become an epidemic because we are still not free enough to admit to it without being judged about it. That is why there is so many shootings, deaths, and substance abuse problems. If more people were able to open up there could be a change. By not being ashamed the views about mental illness will begin to change.

Shame is a powerful feeling. It can holds us back and keep us from being the best we can be. My ability to not be ashamed of my feelings, thoughts, and set backs has been what has helped me the most. By willing to show who I am without worrying how others will take it is one aspect about myself I am most proud of.

Day 335- Lets Be Honest

Now I still haven't figured out if this is a good thing or not, but I am very honest. This isn't to say I don't question things I have done or think if things I have said are right. But I have realized that I am very open about all the things that have happened in my life whether it is good or bad. More importantly, I don't really think about it. Being open and honest is just something that is natural to me. Even though I am open and honest, I don't think I am ever cruel to myself and others.  

I remember when I first started this project. I could have very easily kept it private and done it just for me. Instead I decided to open up to everyone on my Facebook and Instagram to let them know what I was going through. After I posted about it I remember my Mom telling me how honest and brave it was for me to do it. To me, it wasn't that big of a deal. It was just something I did.

I think it is my ability to get honest with myself that has been my greatest asset in this process. Instead of lying to myself that everything was fine, I knew I couldn't do this on my own anymore. I needed help. I also knew that I needed to start taking medication. Even though it was the hardest decision I've made, I knew it was necessary. It is being honest with myself that was the first step in accepting what was going on. Once I accepted it I was able to start working on getting better.

I guess if I was to really look at it, being honest is a good thing. It is definitely something I wouldn't change about myself. It is my honesty that has allowed me to open up. It is also why others ask for my advice and trust me. It is also why I now fully trust myself.

 

Day 334- Final Month

Wow!! Today starts my final month of this year long project. To be honest, it feels both like yesterday and like a life time ago. I think it feels like just yesterday because as I have mentioned previously, life just seems to go by so quick. It doesn't feel like its been almost a year already since I started this. Then again, it feels like a lifetime ago because so much has happened and I have changed so much in the last year. I'm not the same person when I started this.

When I started this process I had the goal of changing and to overcome my issues with anxiety and depression. I wanted to work on changing myself from the inside out. I wanted to change the way I think, the way I look at things, and the way I deal with things. I also wanted to learn about myself. There has definitely been some bumps in the road, but overall I have worked hard towards accomplishing my goal.

I can honestly say I am happier and healthier than I was a year ago. I have learned a lot about myself. So this month, instead of having a special way of ending my posts or trying to come up with new and exciting subjects each night, I'm going to tell you what I have learned. I will mostly tell you what I have learned about myself, but I'm sure I will talk about things I have learned about others and the world around me. This year has been a learning experience and I will share what I have learned.