I've learned that just like when it comes to a topic to write about tonight, sometimes you just don't know. We have no idea what will happen in the future. For a control freak like me who like to know everything, this is terrifying. A lot of my anxiety was related to not feeling like I was in control and not knowing what will happen from one day to the next.
I use to, even before I got out of bed, start to worry if the I was going to have a good day or bad day. No one can know that. I can't even tell you how many days I thought were going to go one way, but ended up going the complete opposite. Sometimes that's a good thing.
Even though I have learned that we can't know what will happen in the future, I can't tell you how I learned to accept that. I still like to have as much control as possible, but I'm not as terrified as I was. It still scares me, the future, but I think because I know I will be alright no matter what happens it is less scary.
For me, the past 2-3 years have been HELL. I wouldn't wish on anyone to go through the feelings and thoughts I felt. It is honestly the hardest thing I have been through, and I've been through a lot. If I was able to help myself to get out of it, there is nothing I won't be able to rise above. I know there will be downs and though times again at some point, but knowing I will be fine is the only thing about the future I need to know.
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