It's amazing to me how life tests us. I am only 2 days away from finishing up this year long commitment, and last night I had a true test in seeing how I am handling all that I have been working on.
Yesterday I hurt my foot. I cut it up pretty badly both on the top and bottom by accident. Its pretty red and pretty swollen, and it hurts to walk on. Needless to say I have a pretty good limp going on. I made sure to clean it up real well and I have been keeping it clean with some anti-bacterial gel. I'm elevating my foot as much as possible and icing it as much as I can. Of course, I'm trying to not walk on it too much either.
Even though there wasn't any metal involved, I've had a tetanus shot in the last year so I wasn't worried about that. I'm not too worried about infection either since I'm keeping it clean, and even though it's red it's not hot. I'm keeping a very good eye on it. Even though I know all of this, that didn't stop me from waking up at 4:30 A.M. this morning and starting to panic.
I woke up and my foot was throbbing. I got up to grab a new ice pack and I could hardly walk. Instead of taking a second and realizing that my foot was most likely sore from being a little swollen and not having much movement with it through out the night, I went to that dark place. I starting thinking "What if it gets so infected I have to go in the hospital? Or what if I get an infection so bad they have to amputate my foot?" Clearly this was not rational thoughts. I was easily going into the catastrophic thinking that has been my downfall in the past.
By the time I got my ice pack and was back in bed, I felt the heat in the back of my neck and the nausea in my stomach. All the signs that my anxiety was building. I could have easily called for my parents to talk me down from this, but I decided I was going to do it on my own. I realized that if I'm ever going to move out and be on my own, I have to take care of myself sometimes.
I started going over in my head again the things I know. I've had necessary shots recently. I cleaned it very well. I am continuing to clean it. I'm keeping a close eye on it. I'm smart enough to know when enough is enough if it does get infected. And then I said a small little prayer to help me control my unrealistic thoughts, my worry, to help my foot heal properly, and without any trouble. By doing all of this, I was able to calm myself down.
Needless to say I am still a little nervous. My health and the health of my loved ones is the biggest root and cause for my anxiety. It was just a true test as I get ready to close this chapter and start a new one. And if you ask me, I may not have aced it, but I defiantly passed.
No comments:
Post a Comment