Day 206- Is Wanting Alone Time Bad?

When my anxiety was at its highest I constantly wanted to be around people. In fact, if I could avoid being alone all together I would. Being around someone, especially a family member, was my security blanket. I felt safe and less scared when others were around. I thought that having others around was a good coping mechanism. It was at times, but I was mostly using it in an unhealthy way because I counted on them to make me feel better instead of working on it myself.

 As I started to feel better I was alright with being alone from time to time. I even measured my depression on whether I wanted to be around people. I knew withdrawing from others and isolating myself was a red flag in depression. That thought has been in my head a few times these past couple of weeks because at night, I have just wanted to be in my room by myself. After I do my normal routine of dinner, walking Tyson, taking a shower, and getting my clothes and lunch ready for the next day, I will head to my room to write my blog. After words I would then go out to the front room and watch t.v. with my family, but the last few weeks I haven't.

Instead after I finish my blog I have either been looking on my computer or watching my own T.V. I'll be on my computer searching for new music, playing games on Facebook, or looking up places or things I want to do with family or friends on the weekends. If I watch T.V. it is often something I want to watch that my family doesn't. So am I being anti-social on purpose or do I just need some "me" time these last few weeks?

Now that it has been cooler, instead of Tyson sleeping on the floor, he has been sleeping on our lounge chair. He is a big boy, so it's almost impossible to share it with him. Our couch in not very big also, so for more than one person to sit/lay on it comfortably it is impossible too. My mom often makes it to the couch first, so instead of asking her to scoot over (which I know she would), I have just gone in my room and sprawled out on my bed instead. So I don't think I'm being anti-social on purpose, I just go in my room to lay comfortably and watch what I want.

I also think since I am around people and on the phone a lot at work, I just need time alone. I think spending time by myself every night is my way to decompress and relax lately. I know that I am in a much better place than I was so I should not worry about wanting alone time. In fact, I know being able to spend time by yourself is necessary for being healthy. Plus that fact that I am able to is huge progress from when I started going through this. So instead of worrying about needing an hour or so of alone time each night before bed I should remember when I couldn't even spend an hour alone without panicking, and see the positive progression I have made.


Day 206- Happy Halloween

I'm not a huge fan of pumpkin, but I do like pumpkin bread and pumpkin seeds. Seeds are very easy to make. Click the picture below for a very simple recipe.