Day 81- Security Blanket or Super Hero?

How many of you out there have something that is considered a "security blanket" when you were growing up? It could have been an actual blanket, stuffed animal, photo, book, habit etc. For someone like me who spent a lot of time going to doctor's visits and in the hospital, it was inevitable I would have one. When I was a toddler I had a blanket I brought everywhere. Eventually it became lost at Disneyworld in Florida. I sometimes wonder what happened to it. Did somebody find it and hopefully after washing it gave it to their kid? Maybe. Is it still in the Disneyworld lost and found? Not likely. Was it found and then simply thrown away? Could have been.

After that first security blanket you could say that my new security blanket became more of a habit. For many years I would suck on my ring, middle, and pointer finger....all at the same time. My mom said I would do this every time I went for a nap, bed, watching television, or just cranky. Eventually, this form of security blanket got lost along the way too.

When I was 5 1/2 years-old I had my first open heart surgery. Before my surgery my parent's friend gave me a bear. I quickly came up with the most creative name for him, Bear. My entire hospital recovery time, which was about 2 weeks, that bear was either in bed with me or right next to it on the table. For the next 4 years or so that bear was with me every night, for every doctor's checkup, and all my other surgeries. In time I grew out of sleeping with and bringing a stuffed animal with me places. And even though I no longer "needed" the bear, I still have it to this day. It's in a box somewhere in our rafters in the garage along with a few other childhood toys.

After my last arm surgery when I was about 10 years-old we thought I wouldn't need any other surgeries, but when I was 15 years-old my scoliosis had become so bad I needed surgery to correct it. The night before my surgery my next door neighbor, who is like a second mom to me, came over to give me something to keep my company in the hospital. It was an exact replica of the bear I got when I was 5 years-old, only this one was a miniature version. This time I named him Mr. Bear. I brought that bear with me to my surgery the next morning and when I woke up my mom had him sitting at the end of the bed where I could see it first thing when I woke up.

It was then that at 15-years old I gained another security blanket, a bear yet again. Since that scoliosis surgery I have had another heart surgery and the unexpected hospital stay that happened 2 years ago and began this entire thing. For years after my back surgery I would sleep with that bear. The only difference was this time I wouldn't cuddle with it like I did with the bigger version when I was 5, but it would still be on the pillow next to me. I would pack that bear in my suitcase on every major vacation we went on. I guess I didn't feel safe without him. Even to this day on nights I can't sleep or on particularly hard days, I'll grab that bear and put him right next to me because to me he is security. It's the one thing besides my family that's been with me during all the scary stuff. Mr. Bear has been my own kind of super hero, always there "protecting" me.  

Most days lately I haven't needed to grab him, but I still have him sitting on my desk directly in front of my bed. This way I can see him every morning when I wake up and every night before I go to bed. Maybe tonight though, I'll place him on the pillow next to me, for old times sake.

Day 81- Photo a Day Challenge-  Teddy Bear