Today I was reading my book by M.J. Ryan entitled Attitudes of Gratitude: How to Give and Receive Joy Every Day of Your Life. I have talked about this book in the past, but something I was reading today really stuck out. She wrote, "You are an amazingingly rare, totally nonreplicable individual with talents and gifts that the world anxiously needs. The more that you experience the truth of your uniqueness and beauty, the more you will feel gratitude of your particular gifts, and the more you will be able to deliver those gifts."
The above section I pulled out was part of a chapter that discusses that we all have a purpose. For the longest time I would hear the sayings "Everything happens for a reason" and "The is a reason why we are here." I would hear them but I wasn't too sure if I believed them. A lot of the times when people say these quotes there is some kind of religious undertone to them. Since I didn't grow up with religious beliefs, I didn't put much stock into the ideas.
It wasn't until last year when my younger brother and I were taking a walk. I was having a particularly terrible day and just needed to get out of the house. My brother agreed to go on a walk around the neighborhood with me. I can't remember what we were talking about but I know it was a deep conversation about what was the reason and purpose of life. I remember him saying to me, "There is a reason we are here, you specifically. All the health issues you've been through. You have literally died on an operating table and came back to life. You are suppose to be here." I still remember exactly where we were on our walk when he said that to me. It was the first time I actually believed the ideas that we are here for a reason and that everything happens for a reason. It was my atheist brother that made me finally believe that there just might be a Creator, a God, out there who has a plan and a reason for us. Talk about irony.
A huge part in my healing and overcoming the past few years is that I think I have figured out the reason for my anxiety and depression. I may be completely wrong, but even if I am it doesn't matter. It is right to me and has helped me heal. I believe the reason why I initially got my bowl obstruction is because I was suppose to develop anxiety from it, and ultimately have that lead to depression. Without it I would have never met my therapist who would encourage me to go through with my idea of writing this blog so that I can share my story and hopefully help. My gift, I believe, is my ability to write.
As far as my purpose here, I'm still not sure. I'm not sure I'll ever know and that's okay. I hope though that it is to make a difference in some one's life; whether it is someone I have already met or some one I will meet. It can be through my writing, lending a caring hand, sharing the tremendous amounts of love I feel I have inside me, or giving a loving home to a child or animal in need. Whatever it is, I just want to make a positive impact no matter how large or small.
Day 272- A Christmas Story
As soon as realized this I walked back to my seat to tell Nick, but when I got there he was gone.
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