"If you're depressed, you're living in the past. If you're anxious, you're living in the future. If you're at peace, you're living in the present." -Lao Tzu
This was a quote I heard probably about a year ago and its stuck with me. A lot of times when I'm feeling down or feeling anxious I try to examine what I'm thinking about and 9 out of 10 times, it is exactly what this quote says.
A lot of what has been the cause of my depression is not feeling like my old self and watching my group of friends get smaller. I use to never worry about much, didn't cry for no reason, and didn't have days where I didn't want to do anything but lay around and watch television. I've been so consumed with anxiety and depression and focusing how these things have changed my life that I will sometimes wish for the days that it wasn't an issue and remember how I was. Over the last few years I have also watched my circle of friends get smaller. For whatever reason I have always seemed to hangout with younger people. My core group of friends I have had since high school and before are my same age, but a larger majority has always been younger. Part of it has been that I have gotten older and I have chosen to not hangout because I don't think it's fun to go out and party till 4am anymore. With my friends who are my age a lot of the reasons I don't see them as often as I would like is because we all have different jobs and are on different schedules. So it's not that I don't see or talk to those core friends, it's just harder now.
In the beginning a lot of my anxiety was health related. Anytime I wasn't feeling well I would jump to the worst case scenario and get anxious that way. Now my anxiety has changed a bit and the things I worry about are definitely future related. Will I get a new job? Will I have these issues all my life? How long will my parents be alive? Will I end up alone? These are all things I don't have the answers to because they are in the future. It's when I start thinking and worrying about these things that I get anxious because I often think worst case scenarios.
The living in the present is the part of the quote I have the biggest issue with. I think a lot of people do. Noticing and enjoying the things that are going on right now is difficult when dealing with depression and anxiety. Mostly because you aren't enjoying the present. You are either thinking in the past or future. I'm not saying that all present moments are enjoyable. Definitely when we are in moments of being sick, taking a test, looking for something lost, etc. those are not moments of peace. But focusing on those moments and not other things is what gives you peace. You're not sad or anxious if even the less enjoyable moments are moments that you're fully in.
I understand that this quote is something that will not apply to every person dealing with depression or anxiety. For me, however, it struck a cord because it was what I was doing. It also is a reminder that when I am depressed or anxious I have to try and take a step back and focus on what is happening right then and there and focus on that.
Day 28- Thing I Love to Do......Sit in the front yard with Tyson.
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