Day 11- This is What I KNOW

Today a lot of the day was spent driving in the car. My parents and I drove to Phoenix, AZ which is about a 6 1/2 hour drive from our house in California. The purpose of the trip is to go visit my grandparents there. They are originally from Montreal, Canada but they wanted a break from the cold weather, so they are staying at my aunt’s condo for a month. Sometimes it’s hard to believe when it’s 80 degrees and sunny at my house, my relatives in Canada are still wearing their winter jackets.

This trip has given me a little anxiety the last few weeks. Last year around the same time my parents and I went on this exact same trip to visit my grandparents. At that time my anxiety was definitely very much an issue. I hadn’t really done anything at that point to try and control it. My only defense was to try and relax and not think about things that were giving me anxiety. Naturally, I was worrying about wether or not I would enjoy the trip, if my grandparents could tell that I was anxious, and if my dog would be okay staying with just my brother. Needless to say my anxiety was without a doubt heightened, but it wasn’t as high as I thought it would be. So, why am I still anxious about this trip?

Last week before I left I brought up these worries with my therapist. She told me to think about how last years trip is different from this years trip. She told me not to just think of things that may be different, but things that I KNOW are different. I KNOW that this years I was going with better coping tools than I did last year. I’ve put in a lot of work, especially these last few months, in gaining some coping skills; things like: breathing techniques, my love list, and mindfulness. I also KNOW I am a lot more honest with myself and others about my struggles than I was last year.

My grandma worries quite a bit (which may be where I get it from). We often don’t tell her the whole truth on things, just need to know basis. The way we look at it is no need to worry her when it’s not necessary. Just like last year, I’m little worried to see how much will she pick up on. I was so willing to be honest and open with everyone on my Facebook and instagram with my struggles, I need to be honest with her. Who knows, maybe instead of worrying she will be really proud, she will be able to relate, or she could offer advice? Finally, I KNOW that even if I have anxiety I will have a good time because I did last year. So no matter what I will enjoy some part of this trip if not all of it.

The thing I have learned that when it comes to anxiety and depression our minds like to tell us lies. They make us believe things that aren’t necessarily true. Things like: if I don’t get this job my life is ruined, if I don’t get a hold of this anxiety I will go crazy, I’m not worth it, and things are hopeless. This has been one of the hardest things for me. To realize the tricks and lies my mind are telling me are not true. It is when I take a real deep look at the things that I KNOW ARE TRUE, then I can turn those lies into truths. I know that if I don’t get that job my life isn’t ruined, it means something better is out there; this issue of anxiety won’t make me go crazy, it will make me stronger because I’ll learn I can handle anything; I am worth it because there are people in my life who believe I am; and things are not hopeless, there are resources out there that can and will help.

So I challenge everyone out there to write out 3 truths about themselves and their life that they KNOW are true, so that whenever your mind makes you have doubts and believe the lies, you can remember what you know and turn those lies into truth. Here is what I KNOW:

1.)  I am a strong and hard-working person who can succeed at anything I put my mind to and work for.

2.) This issue with anxiety and depression is just a phase and I will come out the other side a happier and healthier person.

3.) I have an amazing support system in my family, friends, and doctors that anyone would be lucky to have and can get through anything with.

Day 11- Thing I love to do........Driving.