When I sat down to write a list of all the things I accomplished in my life, I was baffled. If I look at where I thought I would be at this stage of my life compared to where I actually am, I've accomplished nothing. I'm almost 28 years-old and I still live at home with my parents, I haven't started any kind of "real" career, I'm single, and I have no kids. This could be part of the reason for the depression and anxiety, but I'm not the only one that is in this place and feels this way. If I take a look around, there are so many of others in the same situation as me. Even when I look at my close circle of friends, none of us are married or have kids, and the only reason they have moved out is because their parents bought a house and rented it out to them. So there is no reason to feel unaccomplished.
After I thought about it though, I realized that just being alive was an accomplishment for me. As I mentioned before, I was born with a lot of health issues. When my parents found out I was going to be born different, the doctors told them that they shouldn't expect to bring a baby home. After I was born though, I was immediately hauled off to surgery to fix my stomach problem, but before they wheeled me off they told my dad that I would probably live, but that my right arm would fall off (it didn't). I survived. I ended up staying in the hospital for a little more than a month after I was born, but in that time they also had to do testing to determine if I was blind (clearly, I wasn't).
If that wasn't enough when I was 5 1/2 years-old I had to have open heart surgery to fix the hole in my heart. It was during that surgery that for a moment I literally died. I had to have the whole defibrillator, shock paddles, thing in order to be brought back to life. Then when I was 22 years-old having my second heart surgery, there was a moment again when my heart wouldn't start. This time I just needed a pacemaker put in, but TWICE my heart didn't want to start when it was suppose to. So for me, sitting here typing this blog right now is the greatest accomplishment of my life.
Some might say that it wasn't me doing anything, it was the doctors. You're right; If it wasn't for all my amazing doctors I definitely might not be here, but does that make me any less of a survivor? Does that make the part of me somewhere deep inside that has an enormous will to live any less powerful? The answer is no. Because it's not just the fact that I survived, it's the fact that I didn't let the reality that I was born different and with challenges define me. I could very easily play the "woe is me" and use it as an excuse of why I can't accomplish anything. I'll admit, there have been times in my life where I have asked, "Why me?" and I've felt sorry for myself. But so has everyone else; it's part of being human. I've learned though, that when we are in those moments it's important to look at where you've been and all the things you've overcome.
I recently wrote a list of all the things I've overcome and accomplished so far in my life. It wasn't easy to think of things and I even had to ask family and friends what they thought some of my accomplishments were. Now, however, I like to look at it every now and then just to get a reminder of how accomplished and amazing I really am. There are even times in the past that when I'm really down, I like to write on a piece of paper before I go to bed all the things I've accomplished just that day. I then put it up on the wall where I'll see it the next morning and use it as motivated to try and add even more things to my list that night, and if I don't that's ok because I still tried.
I'm going to post my list and I challenge others to make their own list. Remember if you do decide to make one, it doesn't matter how big or small the accomplishment is, all that matters is that it's something that you set out as a goal to do and you did it.
All The Things I’ve Overcome/Accomplished in my Life:
1.) I am still alive even though the doctors when I was born did not think I would.
2.) I survived 2 open heart surgeries, both where my heart would not start again.
3.) I have had 12+ successful major surgeries.
4.) I worked hard to regain my stamina after my 2nd heart surgery.
5.) I never let my disabilities hold me back.
6.) I have maintained a core group of friends since elementary school.
7.) I played soccer for 10 years and even made the all star team a few times.
8.) I perfected my double spin in class to make the advance dance performance.
9.) I was on honor roll in both junior high, high school, and college.
10.) Senior year of high school I worked, took honors classes, performed over 180 hours of medical internship, and graduated with a 3.5 GPA.
11.) I took extra classes to transfer college on time.
12.) I graduated college.
13.) I stood up to a teacher that was discriminating against me.
14.) I made the Dean’s list in college.
15.) I found 2 internships on my own and got them without anyone’s help or connections.
16.) I have been promoted at every single job I have had.
17.) I learned to drive very easily.
18.) I got 100% on my written driving test, and -4 on my driving test.
19.) I do not need any extra help to drive a car.
20.) I have managed my money fairly well.
21.) I don’t often feel sorry for myself because I was born different.
22.) I am a good Aunt to my 3 nieces.
23.) I taught our dog how to sit, stay, come, lay down, shake, and be potty trained all on my own.
24.) I have been able to get along much better now with my dad then when I was younger.
25.) I never lost motivation to find a new job when I was laid off.
26.) I admitted when my anxiety/depression was too much and I needed to get extra help.
27.) I joined a gym even though I never thought I would.
28.) I have rarely asked my parents for help in paying any of my bills.
29.) I traveled on a plane, out of the country by myself.
30.) I allowed to be the first one to try a new procedure for back surgeries that is now used all the time.
Day 19- Thing I love to do........Hanging out with friends.
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