Day 25- Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy

The last 2 nights while driving home from work the strangest thing happened. I was driving and thinking about all the things I've been doing lately and where I am in my life right now. All of a sudden I started to smile out of nowhere. It surprised me. I can't remember the last time I smiled for no reason at all. Then it dawned on me. I might actually be truly happy for the first time in almost 2 years.

Around this time last year I was doing OK. I was feeling like myself and didn't have too much anxiety. At that time I probably thought I was past the anxiety. Even though I wasn't sad, I wasn't really happy either. I was OK with this though because I thought all the anxiety and worry was behind me. Then I went on vacation to Canada. As much fun as I had during that trip it brought up my anxiety again. I was still having stomach issues around this time and they were testing me for multiple food allergies, so I was worried about that. I also was worrying if my anxiety would rise up while I was on my trip and that it would be ruined.  Overall the trip ended up being alright, but I was sad that my worries made it not as fun as it could have been.

After returning home my anxiety eventually subsided again and I was back to feeling like myself. I remember on 4th of July last year I had so much fun and was even happy that day, I thought for sure this time I was better. Three days later I was in the hospital for extremely bad food poisoning. The anxiety was worse than ever. I could barely even function.

 That's why feeling happy now scares me a little. The last few years every time I thought I was moving on and could possibly be happy, I got knocked back down and the process of having anxiety begins again. If I start to worrying about that though I will definitely fall back, but I have to look at what I had last year verses what I have this year. This year I have more knowledge, I have tools, I have a larger support system, I have a professional, and I have this blog. I'm at a better place all around than I was last year. I'm definitely not a 100% happy with my life, there are still things I wish were different, but for this moment right now I'm content. I'm happy today and that's OK.

Day 25- Thing I Love to Do........Clean and organize something. (My Room)