One big thing I have had to learn is how to accept a compliment. I'm still not great at it, but I'm getting better. For a long time, if I was ever given a compliment I would hear it, but I would never truly take it in. I think a lot of people do this. When we don't accept a compliment we are actually doing a lot more harm to ourselves then we might realize.
In our society, we tend to be super critical and hard on ourselves. Part of this has to do with always comparing ourselves to the images and standards we see in the media. We never think we are good enough, pretty enough, successful enough, etc. So when we actually receive positive criticism, we think the person must either be wrong or lying; or even worse they could be telling us this because they see something that makes them feel sorry for us.
When we don't accept a compliment we are actually putting ourselves down. For me, this is what I did most often. The problem was that I wouldn't believe the compliment because I would compare myself to the person I thought I should and wanted to be. During this process I would hear from friends, family, and my therapist that I seemed to be handling things well and that I was making progress. I wasn't, however, handling it as well or making as much progress as I wanted or thought I should have. Since I believed this, I would tell myself I wasn't doing well or progressing fast enough. I simply wasn't giving myself enough credit, which in turn was putting myself down.
Another thing I was doing by not accepting the compliment was putting fourth the idea that the person giving me the compliment was a liar. Even though I wouldn't directly tell the person that, but by not telling them thank you or making it into a joke (which I would do by laughing and jokingly say things like "Shut up" or "Be quiet") I was risking the possibility of offending them. I was putting out the idea that I didn't take them seriously. Other things that not accepting a compliment can cause is pointing out your weakness instead, and diverting compliments to someone else who may be not as deserving.
So how do we learn to accept a compliment? One of the first ways is to simply say "Thank you," and nothing else. Don't add anything else into it, that way you won't have the chance to offend, divert, or point out weakness. Also, accept your achievements. Most people take responsibility when we mess something up, so start taking responsibility when something goes right. You also have to remember that a compliment is like a present. They didn't have to give it, but you probably did something to earn it. By not accepting this present, it is just plain rude.
Ultimately, by learning to accept a compliment you will be boosting your self-esteem and self-worth.
So, to anyone reading this, you are amazing!! Your ability to give continued support through this journey of mine has been a true sign to of what a caring, faithful, and devoted person you are. If everyone going through problems with anxiety and depression had someone like you in their life, there wouldn't be such an epidemic right now. You, friend, are truly making a difference in my life. Keep it up! And thank you.
Day 121- Words of Wisdom.... "Face the truth." AND "Take criticism and praise with equal grace."
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