Day 5- How Pets Can Heal

Who out there has pets? I never grew up with any pets other than fish. My mom never grew up with animals either so she never really liked them. She also didn't want to have to clean up after any animals (remember I get my cleaning habits from her). One year though, my mom's best friend convinced her that my brother and I needed a pet. We needed to have some responsibility and learn to care for something else that was living. That year for Christmas we got a huge fish tank! We had that fish tank for about 7 years before we eventually lost our last fish. Ever since then my brother had asked for a dog every year for both his birthday and Christmas. Finally, 3 years ago my mom caved in and we got a dog......Tyson.

Tyson is a 3 year-old boxer, chow mix. We know for certain he is part boxer, and we believe he is mixed with a chow because of some physical features and personality traits. He is a big dog, coming in just under 70 pounds and is almost all muscle. We got him from one of my brother's friends when he was 8 weeks old. The friend found him and unfortunately the mother died after giving birth and as a result all the other puppies died. Tyson was the only one who lived. It definitely hasn't been easy. Having a puppy is like having a new born baby, they just grow up quicker.

 I love him like my own child. A lot of my anxiety in the beginning was worrying about him. Any time he got sick or did something he wasn't suppose to like eat a DVD case (yes, he did that) I would worry. Over time I've sorta learned not to worry as much. He's a dog after all. We have an amazing vet and we take care of him the way we should (some times a little too well because he is so spoiled).

Which brings me to another thing I have learned. Animals can often offer many health benefits. They can help lower blood pressure, relieve stress and calm you, create an increase in serotonin and dopamine in the brain, provide companionship, increase life length, decrease anxiety and depression, and can add structure to your life. Animals can also increase  a person's exercise level, help them to meet new people, and help to keep them connected to people. There is a great article here that talks about all the health benefits animals can provide.

I know for me any time I'm feeling down I can go and hug Tyson and it helps. Knowing he loves me no matter what I'm going through is such a comfort. I know he can't talk back, but sometimes just having him there to listen, simply helps; knowing I can get things off my chest with no judgement and just love being given back is wonderful. He is also great when I do panic a little. One thing that really helps to clear my mind is cuddling up to him when he is sleeping and trying to match my breathing with his. It gives me something to focus on and calm down with.

I can honestly say I don't know where I would be without my dog. I don't even want to think about how much worse it would be without him. But I want to point out owning a pet isn't for everyone. They are a lot of responsibility, take a lot of your time, money, attention, energy, and commitment. But if you're willing to commit to that, I would recommend getting a pet to anyone dealing with anxiety or depression. If you can't do this, volunteer at an animal shelter, go to a pet store (watching fish can  also create a calming affect), or hangout with a friend who has pets. Because to me, everyone should know the love an animal can give.

Day 5- Thing I love to do.......Spend time with my dog, Tyson.

My favorite picture of Tyson & I

Day 4- Support Systems

I know today is a late post, but I am just now settling in at home since leaving at 9:15am. I went to an early morning pilates class at the gym, came home to shower and eat, then immediately left for work. So.......busy, busy day. It as also a pretty good day because I was truly amazed and touched from the moment I woke up. Last night after publishing my Day 3 blog, I posted on Facebook and Instagram a few words to let people know what I was doing. The response I got was more than I thought. Not only did I get words of encouragement on those places, I received texts as well. And this leads me to the next thing I want to share that I have learned these last 20 months or so since this all began.

It is so important to a HAVE SUPPORT SYSTEM. I have been blessed with an amazing family. I come from one of those rare families nowadays, my parents are still married and will be celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary this year. I have an older brother and a younger brother which means I'm the middle child. I also have a sister-in-law who I can honestly say is my best friend, and 3 nieces who I absolutely adore. I have a great group of core friends, a few I have been friends with since elementary school. These are the people I know I can lean on and talk to no matter what happens in my life. I have also created a new support system in the last few months. I joined what is known as a Life Group through Real Life Church, and I even have a supporter in my therapist and doctors. Yesterday I mentioned I would also be joining a group of 8-10 people who are going through the same thing as me, which I'm sure will gather me even more supporters.

I even received support from somewhere I didn't expect it. A family friend that we talk to about once a month sent me a gift today. They have been friends with my parents for almost 26 years, and have a child who was born with scoliosis like me, so it created an even closer bond between our families. My mom has mentioned on and off how I have been doing, but probably hasn't mentioned it to them in a few months. Tonight when I got home, I received a package from them along with a note saying, "Been thinking about you a lot. Here is a book that we read every morning that has really helped us."  It truly is amazing to me that literally a day after I made my year project known to a bunch of people, I unexpectedly received support from them as well even though they had not learned about my project yet.

So the lesson for the day: Whether you are going through tough times or not, it is SO IMPORTANT to have a support system. I know not everyone is blessed with family and friends, or they can't afford to seek therapy or go to doctors, but help and support is always there. Just pick up your computer and go to any search engine and look up support groups. While online look up chat groups, blogs, and other social media outlets. The easiest place to start is your regular doctor or a local hospital. You can also walk into any church and most have their own support groups or know of local non-profits who offer help. You can even bring it up in conversation. It wasn't until I started talking about it I learned how many others could relate. You can even leave a comment on here.

The thing to remember is that support is necessary and easy to find.....all you have to do is ask.

Day 4: Thing I love to do.......Hug my parents.

Day 3- What's Important to YOU?

Today was a very busy day. I actually had the day off from work, but I had a lot of stuff to do. I did have a therapy session today which went well. I actually will be starting in a few weeks something called H3- Hope, Healing and Happiness, Support for Adults. It is a group offered at Real Life Church in Santa Clarita, CA for adults dealing with depression and anxiety. It is an 8 week program with a group of 8-10 men and women. It starts in a few weeks and I'm both excited and nervous for it. Excited because it will be nice to be around others who can relate, and nervous because I've never done it before and anytime we embark on something new there are nerves involved. Obviously, I'll keep everyone informed on how it goes.

Besides therapy, I also cleaned my room, did laundry, gave the dog a bath, and took the dog for a walk. Even though a few of those activities are on my LOVE LIST (try and guess which ones) the thing I actually set out specifically to do on my list today involved my car. I completely vacuumed and washed my car inside and out. I'm sure to some people this would end up on their HATE LIST, but for me I love it. I am what some people could call "anal," "neat freak,"  or"borderline OCD" when it comes to cleaning. To me I call it "detail-oriented," orderly," and "organized." I grew up in a clean house with a mother who is the same way so maybe it was a learned behavior. I've also worked in retail for the past 8 years, including Abercrombie & Fitch and Hollister, where EVERYTHING has to be perfect and cleaned exactly right. So call it whatever you like, but it's actually something I really like about myself. I enjoy being clean and organized (and I'll admit it, a little anal). I enjoy the actual process of cleaning, but what I love is the end result. I love knowing I'm going into a clean car or going to bed that night in a clean room. It makes me feel like I accomplished something and I can actually SEE the result.

I'm sure some people might be thinking, "Really? Cleaning her car is something she loves?" Yes, yes it is. It may seem weird or something so little, but it's important to me. And that's the lesson for the day. The "Ah Ha" moment I got out of therapy today and that I want to share. It doesn't matter how little something is or how weird it might be to someone else, as long as it's important to you, then it matters. I have to do things that matter to me, we all do.

And now here is the end result........My clean car!!

Day3- Thing I love.......Clean my car.

Day 2- Mindfulness

If I had to rate my anxiety/depression today on a scale from 1-10, 1 being non-existent and 10 being unbearable, I would rate it a 3. I initially woke up with anxiety because my first thoughts were "Am I going to have a good day? Will my anxiety be out of control?"But as the day went on I had a lot of things to do and didn't really have time to worry about anything.

This is something I have been doing the last 3 weeks or so, rating my anxiety. I have been rating my anxiety for the day to see if I can notice any patterns or simply see how I have been doing day to day. This is something I learned in therapy, and I have found its definitely done more good than bad. What I learned, however, that what is most important is not the overall rating for the day, but to notice if there are any spikes in anxiety throughout the day. It is noticing those anxiety spikes that is most important. When there are those spikes, it is the figuring out why you are having the spike. I learned that this is something called mindfulness. Here is what I learned to ask myself when I am having a spike and using mindfulness:

1.) How am I feeling right now IN my body?
2.) Where am I feeling this in my body?
3.) What was I just thinking?
4.) What am I telling myself?

For me, what I've learned the most from this so far is the signs my body physically feels when I am having anxiety. For me, I get a hot sensation in the back of my neck and arms, I get nausea, and I feel like I'm on edge and nervous. Now, whenever I feel these sensations I know I'm probably developing or already have some anxiety. Once I notice this I stop, take a moment, take a few breaths, and just think about what I'm telling myself. NOTE: I am in no way an expert in this and it doesn't always work. I have only been doing this for a few weeks and it doesn't always work, but I would definitely say to give it a try.

Now, on to the fun stuff. The thing I did today that I love- GO TO THE GYM!!!!

Day 1- This is How it All Began

Hello! Welcome to my blog! This is the first time I've ever made a blog so we will see how this goes. I know I'm starting this on April Fool's Day, but this whole idea is not a joke. I just saw it as a new month, new me! I guess I should start off by explaining why I decided to start this project.

In August 2011 I unexpectedly ended up with a blockage in my small intestines. For 3 days I was in a lot of pain and my regular doctors weren't too sure what it was. On the 4th day I woke up throwing up black stuff, so my parents and I decided it was time to go to the hospital. They discovered I had a blockage in my small intestines so I was admitted to the hospital. I ended up spending 5 days in the hospital, 3 of those days were spent with a tube in my nose pumping my stomach. All in all, it was not a fun experience. The worst part though, we never got a definite answer as to why it happened. It was just some kind of freak thing.

I'm sure to a lot of people this ordeal sounds terrible. But for me, this is probably one of the easiest things I've dealt with. I'm 27 years old and I have had 12+ surgeries. I was born with something called an omphalocele (my small intestines, large intestines, and liver were on the outside of my body at birth). I also was born with something called tetralogy of fallout which means the opening between the hearts four chambers that is suppose to close right before we are born, didn't. I had surgery to repair this and actually died at one point during surgery. I was also born missing the radius in my right arm and had multiple surgeries to lengthen and straighten it. I had scoliosis that needed to be fixed by placing rods on either side of my spine. I have had surgery to repair one of my heart valves as well. And finally as a side effect of all of this I've been told it will be nearly impossible for me to have children.

So you see, I've been threw a lot. The good thing though is I never really felt sorry for myself. I've never known any different. I was blessed with an amazing and supportive family, and friends who treated me like everyone else. I never really got made fun of and never let my "disabilities" hold me back. I always was told how strong I was and how incredibly I handled everything. So why did this little thing, a blockage, change all that?

Part of me thinks it was because every major health thing prior we knew was coming. We saw doctors on a regular basis, did everything we were told; we were prepared. This blockage came out of nowhere and no one had a real answer as to why it happened. The best they could guess was I was a little dehydrated and when my stomach cramped (which is what happens often when people get dehydrated) scar tissue in my stomach from my surgeries got tangled up in my intestines and caused the blockage. Needless to say because I never got an answer, I was anxious all the time. Every time I had a stomach ache, headache, felt nausea, etc. I immediately went into catastrophic thinking and thought the worst. It wasn't until I had multiple physicals, checked for different things like chron's disease, and just had time pass that the anxiety for my physical state passed.

I have to mention also during this time we had a cancer scare with my mom (she was fine), I got a horrible case of food poisoning that they thought could have been a blockage again, I had extra heart beats for 2 days straight that sent me to the ER for the 3rd time in a year, and I got laid off from my job. All in all 2011-2012 was not a great year.

Eventually I got a job again and my health has been great. I thought once those things were back in order my anxiety would be gone, but its not. Its gone on longer than I expected and has led to mild depression as well. At this point I have anxiety about having anxiety. I worry I will have to deal with this the rest of my life, it will lead me to "go crazy," it will cause me to act drastically, and it will cause me to not be me anymore. Around Christmas time last year I decided it was time for a change. I made an appointment with a therapist for the following month, but after 3 visits I didn't feel any connection or comfort so I found someone new who I really like and feel comfortable with. 

She made me make what she called a LOVE LIST. This is a list of things I love to do so on days I'm feeling anxious or sad I can go to my list and do something I love. I took this and made a love list and bucket list. After getting inspiration from the movie Julie and Julia I decided to make a blog and for an entire year do something every day that I love to do or want to do and see what happens.

My hope is that I will refocus my mind and leave all that anxiety and worry behind me. By giving myself things to look forward to and change me focus, I hope to change my brain, my mind, and ultimately myself.

So here we go!!!

Day 1- Thing I love to do.......WRITING