Day 98- A Year Ago Today

A year ago today I woke up to the scariest morning of my life. To this day I'm still not sure if it was a panic attack or a freak case of food poisoning. There are factors that lean to both, but there are more that it was food poisoning. I remember it scared us so much we went to see our regular doctor as soon as I was able to. After running a few tests, they advise me to go to the hospital because it looked like I had a blockage in my intestines, which is what occurred the year before and was the starting point of all my anxiety issues. Needless to say, I was scared.

After we left the doctor's we returned home so I could shower and get a few things in case it was a blockage because we knew that would mean a few days in the hospital. After a few hours and a few more tests they determined there was no blockage and that I could go home. I left with a diagnosis of food poisoning/stomach bug. I was so grateful it wasn't a blockage again because I know it would have been a huge tole on me both mentally emotionally. In a way though, it kind of was because this was the start of when my anxiety and ultimate depression really started to get out of control and affect my every day life.

The last few days my anxiety has been heightened because of this being a year, but nothing to how I was last year. My mom noticed that I was a little quiet and introverted yesterday and asked why, so I told her. Even though she remembers that day, she didn't remember it happened July 7th. I'm not sure why I seem to remember exact days like this. I guess because they were so traumatic for me. But it's nice to know that while I sit here and write this that day and the events that followed seem so much longer than just one year. It's crazy how fast things can change, and I'm glad to say I'm in a better place than I was exactly one year ago today.  

Day 98- Words of Wisdom.... "Progress comes from people who are not satisfied with the way things are."

Day 97- Definitely The Right Stuff

The concert last night was amazing. I highly suggest if you ever get the chance to see New Kids on the Block in concert, GO! The played for just over 2 hours and they never stopped moving the entire time. The played a mixture of old and new songs, as well as a medley of 80's music and today's music. This was my favorite part. I also loved their stage they had...it spun so fast I don't know how they did not get dizzy. I was just so impressed. I know they are not old (they are all in their early 40's), but I was so amazed how well they could still all dance and the amount of stamina they had. I couldn't do it. And ladies, they definitely showed some skin and they all had better bodies than guys half their age. I walked in with my childhood crush as Jordan Knight, and I left with my adult crush on Donnie Wahlberg.

I will say it again, if you have the chance to see them, GO! They are AMAZING!!!!!!!

Day 97- Words of Wisdom...."You can conquer if you believe you can."

Day 96- Hanging Tough

Another Bucket List item is getting crossed off!! I'm getting to see my childhood crushes in concert!

33.) See New Kids on the Block in concert.


Day 95-Words of Wisdom...."If the shoes fits, buy it."

Day 95- Happy 4th of July

Happy Fourth of July everyone! Spent the day sleeping in, doing a little workout, swimming, hanging out with friends I haven't seen in awhile, BBQ with the family, and fireworks with the family. Overall, a great day!!

Day 95- Words of Wisdom.... "Most people don't realize that both help and harm come from within ourselves."

Day 94- I Want That!

I think I have said this before, but a really great way to fight issues with anxiety and depression is with gratitude. Being grateful for what you have is a huge tool to gain and practice. In our world today it's so easy to not put this into practice. Sure, we hear all the time people saying this like, "I'm so grateful for my family" and "I'm lucky I have my health" or "I'm thankful to have a job." These things are all great to say and feel, but these are all things we can't physically hold in our hands. Often people don't feel like they have a lot if they don't have a lot of things. So, a lot of times we buy things in order to fill the worries and sadness.

In an effort to truly feel satisfied we tend to turn to materialistic things. We think "I need that new outfit for this weekend " and "I won't survive much longer if I don't get a new car" or "If I ever am going to manage I have to get a new phone." The truth is, you have a ton of clothes you can wear this weekend, a car does not determine if you will literally survive, and your current phone works just fine. Instead of of filling those holes in us with feelings of gratefulness, joy, and satisfaction we buy things in an effort to patch up the holes.

Now don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with buying new things and enjoying things, but doing so when not grateful with the things we already have can actually leave us more empty than when we started. So, I challenge you to truly look around and see what you're grateful for. Now I don't want you to name off things like family and friends. I want you to look at the material things around you because if you are grateful for the things you already have, there won't be a need to fill up on unnecessary stuff in an effort to feel better.

Right now I'm sitting in my room and I'm looking around and there are a ton of things I'm grateful for. On my bookshelf there are 3 books that I'm so glad I have. I'm happy I acquired The Twilight Series because it was the thing that started my sister-in-law's and my relationship. I'm happy to have The Harry Potter Series because it is the one book series my entire family has read and without it we wouldn't have the family goal of one day going to the Harry Potter World at Universal Studios. I'm happy I have The Bible because by owning it I completed a bucket list item. I'm grateful for my bed I'm currently sitting on because it reminds me how lucky I am to actually sleep in one each night when many don't have one. I'm grateful for my bulletin board I have on my wall directly across from my bed because every morning I wake up I see all the photos of my loved ones it houses. I'm grateful for a closet full of clothes because putting outfits together gives me a lot of joy. And finally, I'm grateful for the laptop I'm currently typing on. Not only does it give me a sense of pride knowing that I bought it all on my own, it also has given me the ability to realize that a major coping tool for me is writing. Finally, my laptop connects me to all of you.

So the next time you think about going out and buying something to just fill up your issues and holes take a look around and see all the amazing things you already have.

Day 94- Words of Wisdom...."Think big, but let the little things make you happy."

Day 93- See a Penny, Pick It Up

I wanted to tell this story yesterday, but it didn't really fit in with me explaining my new plan for July. So, I will tell it tonight. Yesterday at work my co-worker and I were cleaning out the fitting rooms and I saw a penny on the floor. It was heads down, which is supposedly bad luck if you pick it up. I picked it up anyways and my co-workers exact words were, " Nooooooo. That's bad luck!" I told her that it's not if we put it heads up so that someone else could receive good luck (I'm not sure if it's true, but I said it anyway). So we put the penny heads up right outside the store's front door where a lot of people pass.

After that I continued to clean out the fitting rooms and found another penny, this one heads up. About an hour later I went to use the restroom that our store and 2 others share, and there I found another penny heads up. Then, a little while later I was walking around to make sure everything was clean and I found a third penny heads up. Some people would call this karma because I did a good thing and received good back. I, however, would call it a small reminder that when we try and do kind things for others, no matter how small, good things will come to us.


Day 93- Words of Wisdom...."Have enough reasons for wanting to stay healthy." 

Day 92- Words of Wisdom

This month I want to make sure that I end each post with words that have made me think, smile, or connect to. I have decided that this month each post will close with a quote from a book I have called 8,789 Words of Wisdom by Barbara Ann Kipfer. The book is filled with different proverbs, precepts, sayings and quotes that have been around for thousands of years. Some quotes will relate to exactly what's going on that day, some will be ones that I simply like, and some will be ones I love. Here's to a new month!

Day 92- Words of Wisdom...... "Try a thing three times: once to get over the fear, twice to learn how to do it, the third to decide if you like it or not."