Day 365- Onto The Next Chapter

Wow! 365 days sure does go by fast. I remember writing my first post like it was yesterday. And when you think about it, it sort of was. When you look at the beautiful, long life most of us are blessed with, a year is nothing. However, when you are living each day completely miserable a year can seem like forever. I know this because I've lived that way. I'm happy to say though, no longer am I living that way.

I feel like this past year I have come so far. I've both grown and changed more in these last 365 days than I did in the previous 27 years of my life. I've learned a lot about the society we live in, about my family, about my friends; but mostly I've learned about myself. The best part, I feel like there is still so much I can learn. I think we all know ourselves well to a point, but just like others we can't know everything. We are always changing.

A lot of times in life when we think we know exactly how something is going to go, our entire world can flip on us. A lot of times life throws us curve balls and we can feel betrayed. Our family can betray us, our friends can betrays us, our coworkers can betray us, our society can betrays us; and if you're like me, our bodies can betray us. But as cliche as it is, all we can do is choose how to deal with those curves.

For me, I finally decided it was time to fight back. I was no longer happy with how I was dealing with life's letdowns and betrayals so I decided to do something about it. I decided to be brave and admit that there was a problem and that it was bigger than myself. I knew I could not do it on my own so I sought help. With the love and support of many I found an outlet that I not only enjoyed but strived at. It was the combination of motivation, support, and rediscovering a love of mine that pulled me out of the dark hole I was in.

So why would I want that to end? Why would I want to cut something out of my life that has not only been so beneficial, but something I enjoy? After much thought I decided I'm not. So, if you're interested I'm going to keep this journey going. Things will change though. Instead of coming up with my own ideas I am going to be going off a yearly journal prompt. I will also have a new blog address. You can find my new blog at mynext365chapter.blogspot.com and see what I write about each day.

So how did I come cross this idea? A few months ago I found a website that has a similar idea as this blog. A women took her love of stationary and turned it into a business. As an idea she posted a blog for an entire year for those who bought her journals could follow. Each day she prompts her followers with a topic that they are suppose to take and write on. I am going to do this and see if I can learn something new about myself by answering the questions of someone other than myself.

Once again thank you to everyone who supported me and this journey. I hope you all follow me on my next chapter: 365 Days Continued: Journey As A New Me.

Day 364- A Recap Of The Last Year

I thought since this is my second to last post I would fill everyone in on what was achieved during this process. I could have never done it without the love and support of my family and friends, and even random strangers. So take a look and see the journey of this blog.

Total views: 9,318 (This was how many times people looked at my blog over the last year.)
Most viewed month: December 2013 (1,234 views in one month)
Most viewed post: Day 1- This is How It All Began (71 views)
Countries my blog was viewed in: United States (7,322 views), Canada (864 views),
Russia (580 views), Germany (159 views), South Korea (112 views), China (21 views),
Ukraine (20 views), United Kingdom (18 views), Greece (14 views), and Indonesia (12 views)
Most often used internet browser to view postings: Safari (2,914 views)
Most used system/device to view postings: Windows/PC (3,619 views)
Number of Bucket List items crossed off: 36

Looking back at this I had high hopes, but I never could have imagined this. I mean, who could have ever predicted 580 page views in Russia! The love and support is not only what has kept me going, but it has been the driving force to help make me better. Without it I think I would still be in that dark, sad, worried filled hole I was in a year ago. The amount of changes that has occurred in such a short time are astonishing. I don't take it for granted at all. I know I didn't achieve this by my own accord, but by the help of many. I am so humbled by all of it.

So for everyone who has taken the time to read even one post, shared it with someone, spoke to me in public and private about it, or simply supported me I want to say thank you. My goal at the start of this was to change not only my outlook and mind, but myself. I am proud to say that goal has been achieved. This chapter is ending, but I'm excited to start the new one.

Day 363- The Ultimate Test

It's amazing to me how life tests us. I am only 2 days away from finishing up this year long commitment, and last night I had a true test in seeing how I am handling all that I have been working on.

Yesterday I hurt my foot. I cut it up pretty badly both on the top and bottom by accident. Its pretty red and pretty swollen, and it hurts to walk on. Needless to say I have a pretty good limp going on. I made sure to clean it up real well and I have been keeping it clean with some anti-bacterial gel. I'm elevating my foot as much as possible and icing it as much as I can. Of course, I'm trying to not walk on it too much either.

Even though there wasn't any metal involved, I've had a tetanus shot in the last year so I wasn't worried about that. I'm not too worried about infection either since I'm keeping it clean, and even though it's red it's not hot. I'm keeping a very good eye on it. Even though I know all of this, that didn't stop me from waking up at 4:30 A.M. this morning and starting to panic.

I woke up and my foot was throbbing. I got up to grab a new ice pack and I could hardly walk. Instead of taking a second and realizing that my foot was most likely sore from being a little swollen and not having much movement with it through out the night, I went to that dark place. I starting thinking "What if it gets so infected I have to go in the hospital? Or what if I get an infection so bad they have to amputate my foot?" Clearly this was not rational thoughts. I was easily going into the catastrophic thinking that has been my downfall in the past.

By the time I got my ice pack and was back in bed, I felt the heat in the back of my neck and the nausea in my stomach. All the signs that my anxiety was building. I could have easily called for my parents to talk me down from this, but I decided I was going to do it on my own. I realized that if I'm ever going to move out and be on my own, I have to take care of myself sometimes.

I started going over in my head again the things I know. I've had necessary shots recently. I cleaned it very well. I am continuing to clean it. I'm keeping a close eye on it. I'm smart enough to know when enough is enough if it does get infected. And then I said a small little prayer to help me control my unrealistic thoughts, my worry, to help my foot heal properly, and without any trouble. By doing all of this, I was able to calm myself down.

Needless to say I am still a little nervous. My health and the health of my loved ones is the biggest root and cause for my anxiety. It was just a true test as I get ready to close this chapter and start a new one. And if you ask me, I may not have aced it, but I defiantly passed.

Day 362- Just Keep Growing

I've learned that even though I have made huge strides, there is always still room to grow. No one is perfect, so it means there are always things to work on. As we get older things change. Our views become different, our priorities shift, and our lives  go in directions we could have never imagined. As a result we may have ups and we may have downs. The only way to keep going is to keep growing.

I know how hard it is to make a change. It has to become a priority. Almost like a full time job. You have to be conscious of what you are doing if you want to fix something. But take it from me, it is so worth it. The sense of accomplishment and pride in knowing that the only person who can get the credit is yourself. Sure you may have help. Ultimately though it is only ourselves who can the choice to grow and change, and it is only ourselves who can put it the work.  

Day 361- The Little Things

I've learned that it really is the little things in life that can make or break us. Today was a perfect example of that. I overslept this morning, didn't get everything I wanted to get done at work today done even though I stayed almost an hour late, and my leftovers I was excited to eat from dinner last night were no longer good. But that's ok because tonight made up for all that. 

When I was out walking Tyson I came across a stray dog. With the help of a few people I was able to get the dog back to its owners. Then when I went to the gym afterwards I moved up a level on my 5k training and it wasn't that bad. I was able to do it. It was those 2 little things that ended up making this day a good day. 

So remember, the little things can make all the difference. 

Day 360- Communication

I've learned the best way for me to deal and cope with things is through communication. Whether it is talking out my feelings or writing them out, it is the best way I know how to deal with things. 

Day 359-Mama Bear

I've learned that in every single group of friends I have had I have taken on the mom role. It could be because I'm fairly responsible when it comes to myself and others. I am always making sure everyone is safe and that no one is left behind. I also am the one that seems to be the advice giver and the listener. I don't mind it. It comes pretty naturally for me. Maybe it's practice for the future.