After a very long, stressful, anxiety high day at work I'm going to do one of my favorite things.........
Day 30- Thing I Love to Do.......Lay on the couch with my Mom and watch TV.
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Monday, April 29, 2013
Day 29- Even Famous People Have Issues
In the beginning of my anxiety I felt like I was the only one dealing with it. The more I talked about it though, the more it seemed like everybody was dealing with it. Not only anxiety, but depression as well. The more I looked up information about these issues I found out that a lot of well-known people dealt with issues of depression and anxiety. Let me see how many people you know on this list?
Angelina Jolie, Christina Ricci, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Zach Braff, Mandy Moore, Kylie Minogue, Bryce Dallas Howard, Uma Thurman, Demi Lovato, Sheryl Crow, Gwyneth Paltrow, Jon Hamm, Princess Diana, Abraham Lincoln, Anne Hathaway, Judy Garland, Ashley Judd, Pete Wentz, Sir Winston Churchill, Buzz Aldrin, Sir Isaac Newton, Mark Twain, Teddy Roosevelt, Dolly Parton, Owen Wilson, Halle Berry, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Jim Carrey, Brooke Shields, Drew Carey, Billy Joel, and Rosie O'Donnell. How many people did you know on this list?
One person that I was both surprised and inspired to see on this was J.K. Rowling, the author of the Harry Potter series. I was surprised because every time I have seen her in interviews she seemed to have everything together. I was also kind of excited because like most people my age I LOVE the Harry Potter series. I own every book, read every book, own every movie, and seen every movie. I could probably read each book and see each movie 100 times and still want to do it all over again. It was inspiring to see someone I admire and like who has dealt with similar issues as me.
After reading that J.K. Rowling suffered from depression it was interesting to read that writing the series helped to pull her out of it, and that she even integrated her experience into her books as characters. For those of you who haven't read the books or seen the movies there are characters called Dementors, which she specifically created to show how depression made her feel. The Dementors are dark hooded creatures who suck all the happiness and joy out of their victims, as well as detect a person's secret fears. Ultimately they can change a person's entire personality. She has also integrated specific messages of hope into her books. One of my personal favorites is actually the background on my computer that I see every day.
What I hope you can take away from this is that 1.) You are not alone; there are tons of people out there, well-known and in your inner circle, going through the same thing as you. You just have to be brave enough to show and talk about it. 2.) Beautiful things can come out of these issues we are dealing with; all these people I listed above achieved great things both during and after their battles. 3.) This is just a phase and things will get better.
Day 29- Thing I Love to Do......Hug my parents.
Angelina Jolie, Christina Ricci, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Zach Braff, Mandy Moore, Kylie Minogue, Bryce Dallas Howard, Uma Thurman, Demi Lovato, Sheryl Crow, Gwyneth Paltrow, Jon Hamm, Princess Diana, Abraham Lincoln, Anne Hathaway, Judy Garland, Ashley Judd, Pete Wentz, Sir Winston Churchill, Buzz Aldrin, Sir Isaac Newton, Mark Twain, Teddy Roosevelt, Dolly Parton, Owen Wilson, Halle Berry, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Jim Carrey, Brooke Shields, Drew Carey, Billy Joel, and Rosie O'Donnell. How many people did you know on this list?
One person that I was both surprised and inspired to see on this was J.K. Rowling, the author of the Harry Potter series. I was surprised because every time I have seen her in interviews she seemed to have everything together. I was also kind of excited because like most people my age I LOVE the Harry Potter series. I own every book, read every book, own every movie, and seen every movie. I could probably read each book and see each movie 100 times and still want to do it all over again. It was inspiring to see someone I admire and like who has dealt with similar issues as me.
After reading that J.K. Rowling suffered from depression it was interesting to read that writing the series helped to pull her out of it, and that she even integrated her experience into her books as characters. For those of you who haven't read the books or seen the movies there are characters called Dementors, which she specifically created to show how depression made her feel. The Dementors are dark hooded creatures who suck all the happiness and joy out of their victims, as well as detect a person's secret fears. Ultimately they can change a person's entire personality. She has also integrated specific messages of hope into her books. One of my personal favorites is actually the background on my computer that I see every day.
What I hope you can take away from this is that 1.) You are not alone; there are tons of people out there, well-known and in your inner circle, going through the same thing as you. You just have to be brave enough to show and talk about it. 2.) Beautiful things can come out of these issues we are dealing with; all these people I listed above achieved great things both during and after their battles. 3.) This is just a phase and things will get better.
Day 29- Thing I Love to Do......Hug my parents.
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Day 28- Live in the Moment
"If you're depressed, you're living in the past. If you're anxious, you're living in the future. If you're at peace, you're living in the present." -Lao Tzu
This was a quote I heard probably about a year ago and its stuck with me. A lot of times when I'm feeling down or feeling anxious I try to examine what I'm thinking about and 9 out of 10 times, it is exactly what this quote says.
A lot of what has been the cause of my depression is not feeling like my old self and watching my group of friends get smaller. I use to never worry about much, didn't cry for no reason, and didn't have days where I didn't want to do anything but lay around and watch television. I've been so consumed with anxiety and depression and focusing how these things have changed my life that I will sometimes wish for the days that it wasn't an issue and remember how I was. Over the last few years I have also watched my circle of friends get smaller. For whatever reason I have always seemed to hangout with younger people. My core group of friends I have had since high school and before are my same age, but a larger majority has always been younger. Part of it has been that I have gotten older and I have chosen to not hangout because I don't think it's fun to go out and party till 4am anymore. With my friends who are my age a lot of the reasons I don't see them as often as I would like is because we all have different jobs and are on different schedules. So it's not that I don't see or talk to those core friends, it's just harder now.
In the beginning a lot of my anxiety was health related. Anytime I wasn't feeling well I would jump to the worst case scenario and get anxious that way. Now my anxiety has changed a bit and the things I worry about are definitely future related. Will I get a new job? Will I have these issues all my life? How long will my parents be alive? Will I end up alone? These are all things I don't have the answers to because they are in the future. It's when I start thinking and worrying about these things that I get anxious because I often think worst case scenarios.
The living in the present is the part of the quote I have the biggest issue with. I think a lot of people do. Noticing and enjoying the things that are going on right now is difficult when dealing with depression and anxiety. Mostly because you aren't enjoying the present. You are either thinking in the past or future. I'm not saying that all present moments are enjoyable. Definitely when we are in moments of being sick, taking a test, looking for something lost, etc. those are not moments of peace. But focusing on those moments and not other things is what gives you peace. You're not sad or anxious if even the less enjoyable moments are moments that you're fully in.
I understand that this quote is something that will not apply to every person dealing with depression or anxiety. For me, however, it struck a cord because it was what I was doing. It also is a reminder that when I am depressed or anxious I have to try and take a step back and focus on what is happening right then and there and focus on that.
Day 28- Thing I Love to Do......Sit in the front yard with Tyson.
This was a quote I heard probably about a year ago and its stuck with me. A lot of times when I'm feeling down or feeling anxious I try to examine what I'm thinking about and 9 out of 10 times, it is exactly what this quote says.
A lot of what has been the cause of my depression is not feeling like my old self and watching my group of friends get smaller. I use to never worry about much, didn't cry for no reason, and didn't have days where I didn't want to do anything but lay around and watch television. I've been so consumed with anxiety and depression and focusing how these things have changed my life that I will sometimes wish for the days that it wasn't an issue and remember how I was. Over the last few years I have also watched my circle of friends get smaller. For whatever reason I have always seemed to hangout with younger people. My core group of friends I have had since high school and before are my same age, but a larger majority has always been younger. Part of it has been that I have gotten older and I have chosen to not hangout because I don't think it's fun to go out and party till 4am anymore. With my friends who are my age a lot of the reasons I don't see them as often as I would like is because we all have different jobs and are on different schedules. So it's not that I don't see or talk to those core friends, it's just harder now.
In the beginning a lot of my anxiety was health related. Anytime I wasn't feeling well I would jump to the worst case scenario and get anxious that way. Now my anxiety has changed a bit and the things I worry about are definitely future related. Will I get a new job? Will I have these issues all my life? How long will my parents be alive? Will I end up alone? These are all things I don't have the answers to because they are in the future. It's when I start thinking and worrying about these things that I get anxious because I often think worst case scenarios.
The living in the present is the part of the quote I have the biggest issue with. I think a lot of people do. Noticing and enjoying the things that are going on right now is difficult when dealing with depression and anxiety. Mostly because you aren't enjoying the present. You are either thinking in the past or future. I'm not saying that all present moments are enjoyable. Definitely when we are in moments of being sick, taking a test, looking for something lost, etc. those are not moments of peace. But focusing on those moments and not other things is what gives you peace. You're not sad or anxious if even the less enjoyable moments are moments that you're fully in.
I understand that this quote is something that will not apply to every person dealing with depression or anxiety. For me, however, it struck a cord because it was what I was doing. It also is a reminder that when I am depressed or anxious I have to try and take a step back and focus on what is happening right then and there and focus on that.
Day 28- Thing I Love to Do......Sit in the front yard with Tyson.
Saturday, April 27, 2013
Day 27- 2 Things in 1
After a long day I come home to watch 2 people I love on 1 show!
Note: This is the second time I have watched this episode this week.
Day 27- Thing I Love to Do....... Anything involving Justin Timberlake AND watching Ellen.
Note: This is the second time I have watched this episode this week.
Day 27- Thing I Love to Do....... Anything involving Justin Timberlake AND watching Ellen.
Friday, April 26, 2013
Day 26- America's Got Talent
Today I got to go see a taping of America's Got Talent with my sister-in-law and 2 nieces. We ended up being 6 rows from the stage and right next to Howie! So look for us at the Los Angeles auditions when the new season airs June 4th!!
Day 26- Thing I Love to Do....... Hangout with my nieces.
Day 26- Thing I Love to Do....... Hangout with my nieces.
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Day 25- Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy
The last 2 nights while driving home from work the strangest thing happened. I was driving and thinking about all the things I've been doing lately and where I am in my life right now. All of a sudden I started to smile out of nowhere. It surprised me. I can't remember the last time I smiled for no reason at all. Then it dawned on me. I might actually be truly happy for the first time in almost 2 years.
Around this time last year I was doing OK. I was feeling like myself and didn't have too much anxiety. At that time I probably thought I was past the anxiety. Even though I wasn't sad, I wasn't really happy either. I was OK with this though because I thought all the anxiety and worry was behind me. Then I went on vacation to Canada. As much fun as I had during that trip it brought up my anxiety again. I was still having stomach issues around this time and they were testing me for multiple food allergies, so I was worried about that. I also was worrying if my anxiety would rise up while I was on my trip and that it would be ruined. Overall the trip ended up being alright, but I was sad that my worries made it not as fun as it could have been.
After returning home my anxiety eventually subsided again and I was back to feeling like myself. I remember on 4th of July last year I had so much fun and was even happy that day, I thought for sure this time I was better. Three days later I was in the hospital for extremely bad food poisoning. The anxiety was worse than ever. I could barely even function.
That's why feeling happy now scares me a little. The last few years every time I thought I was moving on and could possibly be happy, I got knocked back down and the process of having anxiety begins again. If I start to worrying about that though I will definitely fall back, but I have to look at what I had last year verses what I have this year. This year I have more knowledge, I have tools, I have a larger support system, I have a professional, and I have this blog. I'm at a better place all around than I was last year. I'm definitely not a 100% happy with my life, there are still things I wish were different, but for this moment right now I'm content. I'm happy today and that's OK.
Day 25- Thing I Love to Do........Clean and organize something. (My Room)
Around this time last year I was doing OK. I was feeling like myself and didn't have too much anxiety. At that time I probably thought I was past the anxiety. Even though I wasn't sad, I wasn't really happy either. I was OK with this though because I thought all the anxiety and worry was behind me. Then I went on vacation to Canada. As much fun as I had during that trip it brought up my anxiety again. I was still having stomach issues around this time and they were testing me for multiple food allergies, so I was worried about that. I also was worrying if my anxiety would rise up while I was on my trip and that it would be ruined. Overall the trip ended up being alright, but I was sad that my worries made it not as fun as it could have been.
After returning home my anxiety eventually subsided again and I was back to feeling like myself. I remember on 4th of July last year I had so much fun and was even happy that day, I thought for sure this time I was better. Three days later I was in the hospital for extremely bad food poisoning. The anxiety was worse than ever. I could barely even function.
That's why feeling happy now scares me a little. The last few years every time I thought I was moving on and could possibly be happy, I got knocked back down and the process of having anxiety begins again. If I start to worrying about that though I will definitely fall back, but I have to look at what I had last year verses what I have this year. This year I have more knowledge, I have tools, I have a larger support system, I have a professional, and I have this blog. I'm at a better place all around than I was last year. I'm definitely not a 100% happy with my life, there are still things I wish were different, but for this moment right now I'm content. I'm happy today and that's OK.
Day 25- Thing I Love to Do........Clean and organize something. (My Room)
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Day 24- Setting Goals
It's important when dealing with anxiety and depression to set goals for yourself. They can be big or small, but they have to be there. The reason why goals are so important are because they give us something to strive for, they give us motivation, and they give us a sense of satisfaction when they are reached. Think of the last time you made a goal and reached it. Did you feel happy? Were you proud of yourself? Did you have a sense of accomplishment? These are all wonderful things to feel and will give you a push in a positive direction. They will also give you something else to focus on in those times of despair.
There are 2 important things to remember when setting goals. First, they have to be important to you. If they aren't then you won't do them. Second, they have to be realistic or else you'll never reach them. The dangerous things if you don't follow these 2 simple rules are that you can worsen the situation. If something is not high on your importance list you will make excuses or just simply not do it, which can cause you to feel like you failed and make depression worse.When the goal is not within your ability or realistically achievable you can become too overwhelmed and can cause high anxiety.
For awhile my goal was to get control of my anxiety and depression. My first step in this whole process was to first figure out if this was an obtainable goal, which I very quickly knew it was. Next, in order to reach this goal I knew there were things I needed to do first. I knew I didn't have a lot of information on this subject, so I first set out to find some. I did some internet research, but my biggest source of information was having multiple talks with my childhood friend and neighbor who is a psychiatrist at UCLA Hospital. After getting a bunch of facts, I went and got a self-help book for anxiety that had even more data and exercises. At the same time as doing this I started to take steps in making changes in my life and lifestyle. I started exercising, changed my eating habits, spent more time with my family, went to church more, wrote in a journal, hung out around positive people in positive environments, and completely stopped the occasional drinking of alcohol. The final step was seeking help and going to a therapist. Even with all these steps I am definitely not at my goal yet of having complete control of my anxiety and depression, but I am getting closer. I can actually see the light at the end of the tunnel now; it's small, but it is there for the first time in a few years.
So now, I want to create a new goal. After a lot of thought I decided I want to run a 5K race in my city in November. This is something I NEVER thought I would set as a goal, but that is an achievement in itself. Today I took the first step for the 5K race. I wanted to see how long I could run before I got tired. Now before I tell you how long that was remember that I have a heart condition, I have not done consistent physical activity since I was about 15 years-old, and even though I go to the gym I mostly do weights and I WALK on a treadmill.......... I was able to run for 2 minutes. That may seem terrible to some people, but this gives me a starting off point. From here I can lay out a realistic plan and multiple steps to my ultimate goal. In the process, the mini goals and successes I make will keep my motivated. That's another thing to remember when setting a goal; give yourself mini goals so you can feel good about your mini successes.
Now, I told you my new goal of running a 5K, what's your new goal?
Day 24- Thing I Love to Do......Pet my nieces dog, Columbus.
There are 2 important things to remember when setting goals. First, they have to be important to you. If they aren't then you won't do them. Second, they have to be realistic or else you'll never reach them. The dangerous things if you don't follow these 2 simple rules are that you can worsen the situation. If something is not high on your importance list you will make excuses or just simply not do it, which can cause you to feel like you failed and make depression worse.When the goal is not within your ability or realistically achievable you can become too overwhelmed and can cause high anxiety.
For awhile my goal was to get control of my anxiety and depression. My first step in this whole process was to first figure out if this was an obtainable goal, which I very quickly knew it was. Next, in order to reach this goal I knew there were things I needed to do first. I knew I didn't have a lot of information on this subject, so I first set out to find some. I did some internet research, but my biggest source of information was having multiple talks with my childhood friend and neighbor who is a psychiatrist at UCLA Hospital. After getting a bunch of facts, I went and got a self-help book for anxiety that had even more data and exercises. At the same time as doing this I started to take steps in making changes in my life and lifestyle. I started exercising, changed my eating habits, spent more time with my family, went to church more, wrote in a journal, hung out around positive people in positive environments, and completely stopped the occasional drinking of alcohol. The final step was seeking help and going to a therapist. Even with all these steps I am definitely not at my goal yet of having complete control of my anxiety and depression, but I am getting closer. I can actually see the light at the end of the tunnel now; it's small, but it is there for the first time in a few years.
So now, I want to create a new goal. After a lot of thought I decided I want to run a 5K race in my city in November. This is something I NEVER thought I would set as a goal, but that is an achievement in itself. Today I took the first step for the 5K race. I wanted to see how long I could run before I got tired. Now before I tell you how long that was remember that I have a heart condition, I have not done consistent physical activity since I was about 15 years-old, and even though I go to the gym I mostly do weights and I WALK on a treadmill.......... I was able to run for 2 minutes. That may seem terrible to some people, but this gives me a starting off point. From here I can lay out a realistic plan and multiple steps to my ultimate goal. In the process, the mini goals and successes I make will keep my motivated. That's another thing to remember when setting a goal; give yourself mini goals so you can feel good about your mini successes.
Now, I told you my new goal of running a 5K, what's your new goal?
Day 24- Thing I Love to Do......Pet my nieces dog, Columbus.
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